Good things are happening in my life.
I tend to blog or journal only when things are not going well. I think most of us do that. We need a place to vent and collect our thoughts. There’s nothing wrong with that, but… if it’s ALL you do, you’re kind of manifesting the crappiness by putting your energy there, rather than in positive places.
So anyway, I thought I’d share some things I’m pleased about:
1. My house is my beautiful home.
I’m beyond happy I decided to sell my old house and buy the one I have now. Not only is it a nicer home in a nicer neighborhood (holy shit, I have legit mansions for neighbors!), but I am saving money every month on mortgage payments and utilities. But one of the coolest effects of being in the new house is how much it brings me back to how things were, before my Mom had her brain injury and I was perfectly happy being an independent single woman.
This house reminds me of my old one, the one I put lots of work into and personalized until it was my own space. Not only is the layout similar, I’m treating the space like it is MINE. Meaning, I have been turning it into my haven, my place to relax and be calm and happy. I’m phasing out my old, function-only stuff that reminds me of days better left in the past. There’s something to be said for choosing beautiful items to surround you. I know, THINGS are not important in the grand scheme of life, of course. But we do need some things, like furniture, bedding, and lamps. So why not hunt around for ones you truly love to look at, touch, and use? It’s been really fun and I love walking into my home at the end of the day and feeling this cool energy that’s manifesting more and more all the time.
Another benefit? The animals seem very happy there, too. Poor arthritic Hurley appreciates that we have more carpet again. The cats have more windows to sit in, and my Mom bought them their own water fountain. The dogs don’t have to navigate around a big pool right outside the back door anymore, and they have more room to lounge in the sun now that I put the patio in. (I do need to try to break them both of their bad habit of using the patio as a toilet… I am currently hosing things down every day and trying to coax them back into the grass.) They also seem to enjoy our mellow walks every night up and down the street. Hurley cannot walk very far these days, but he loves the grass over at the Mormon church that’s 4 doors down from us. Not sure what it is, but he could spend an hour just wandering around and sniffing every single thing if I let him.
Anyway, it is just so nice to be comfortable in my home again and feel like it is a perfect home base for me, my pets and my family.
2. Got a job interview.
I’ve been quietly talking with a company for almost two months now and finally, this Thursday, I have a phone interview with the person who could be my next boss. It’s another marketing job, and it would be a slight pay cut, but I am still psyched about it because: it is 100% telecommute. I could work from home and not leave my babies every day for 10+ hours! And I’d be saving so much money on gas, food, and wear and tear on my car. I would also be away from the negativity that is my currently work situation and maybe even be more challenged and motivated under a different boss. I’m so burned out from being the ‘voice of reason’ over here–I feel like there are multiple times a week someone panics/overreacts to something and I am able to calm them down, but that role gets tiresome pretty damn fast. Anyway, I hope I am not jinxing anything by writing about this here, but at this point I’m just excited that this opportunity is not off the table yet. A friend of my sister’s works there and she has been batting for me all the way from day one when they created this new position and now they are finally ready to hire and I like to think I’m a top candidate. Fingers crossed!
3. Nephew is on his way!
Two weeks from Wednesday, little Samuel is scheduled to join our family. This time around, my sister has had a MUCH easier pregnancy (no cancer this time!) and the baby is doing just fine. I just adore my niece more than anything, and I can’t quite get my head around how it’s going to be with not one little adorable kid to spoil, but TWO. I felt this way before Rose was born, too… unsure how it was all going to feel and if I could find more love in my heart, so obviously I am confident that we’re going to have a great time with this new unknown! I’m excited to see how Rose reacts to being a big sister and all the times I will be able to “steal her” so her parents can have some one-on-one time with the newbie. I now have a car seat installed in my car and it’s been awesome knowing I can go pick her up if I want to spend time with her. Right now, i am beginning to set up my 3rd bedroom as a kid’s room/guest room, too. I’m in the market for a crib/toddler bed and a chair-top high chair. It’s really fun! I love being an aunt. Love it, love it.
4. It’s often like it never happened.
So, when it comes to ‘getting over’ the horrible asshole ex, I am doing better all the time. A main reason for this is because I am out of the house that totally felt like OUR house (not MY house), of course. But more than that, I have returned to my previous state. As I mentioned in my first section above, I did well being an independent single woman, with my own house and no desires to date again. Now I am back to that, essentially. I transitioned pretty well back to single life, if I don’t say so myself. I love sleeping alone. I love being able to sing and dance around the house and put things where I want them. I love the lazy mornings where I don’t have to get dressed right away and can just lie in bed and read, or the nights I get a burst of energy and start working on a project or cleaning until 1am. So not only does my current house remind me of the house that was “the most ME” of any I’ve lived in so far, I’m mentally working my way back to being totally cool with not having a man in my life.
I miss certain things about being in a committed relationship, but those things aren’t better than what I have now, if I really think about it objectively. I mean, one of the things I liked about the last relationship was the fact that he never gave me crap about anything I wanted to do on my own, so I just did it. Well… that has not changed, now that the relationship is over. No one is STILL not giving me crap about what I want to do. 😉 And it’s not like I had sex in my last relationship, so THAT hasn’t changed, either. In fact, it’s better now in one sense… I can fully enjoy my silly crushes on celebrities without any sarcastic/teasing comments or anything. My Ben Barnes crush is more potent now than EVER because the dude is finally enjoying some success in his career. He has been so great in The Punisher and Westworld. So great, and so effin’ hot. I can’t with this guy. I’m ruined for all real-life guys unless they look and sound like him.
5. Writing is creeping back to life.
Another thing I am hesitant to jinx, but I’ve been thinking the way I used to about my book(s). I am back to creating playlists and writing out snippets of possible dialogue when they come to me. These are all things I once did automatically when I was deep into writing my novels, so I am happy as hell these things are coming back. I wasn’t doing this stuff for at least a year (it coincides with the fucking Dolphinaris activism stuff, followed by political activism… I got carried off with the work there and my creative side took a huge and debilitating hit). But now I am waking up again and I’m going to finish writing my current book very soon. I haven’t written more than a couple handfuls of new words so far, but that’s OK. It’s coming. I can feel it. I am SO, so, so damn grateful, because this is ME. This is what I do, what I am proud of. If I do not have my stories to tell and my characters, I am hollow. I’m filling back up again, though. I’m feeling more grounded and centered than I’ve felt in a long time in regard to “what I do.”
I have new goals I’m developing now and trying to put concrete visions into, mostly regarding health and how I spend my time each day, but that’s all stuff for another post. Either way, the point is, my life actually sounds pretty fantastic when I write about it like I did here on this post. That’s cool. I could have written about all the things that suck, that stress me out, that I dislike and I feel helpless about, but I didn’t. So that’s a step in the right direction, I think. I don’t need to fixate on that crap. But it’s fine to fixate on the GOOD. Hell, yeah.