A lack of interest… in me.

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I’m feeling a bit dejected today. I haven’t heard back from a handful of agents I queried weeks ago. I am out there on Twitter, commenting on blogs, reading everything I can about the current market for science fiction and YA, and all of that has led to me thinking my book’s not good enough.

I think my plot might sound boring next to some of these high-concept, high-drama books. I don’t know. Maybe my style of writing just isn’t marketable. I was thinking today about what kind of books inspired me most back when I first began writing novel-length stuff, and that’s easy: The Catcher in the Rye, and The Outsiders.

Both have male protagonists, both have more of an internal-struggle plot–not a big ‘defining moment when everything changes’ plot– and both are more interested in the MC’s point of view as they go through certain situations.

My first novel was maybe my best in terms of writing a believable male protagonist who goes through a defined, clear plot. Also, he was nothing like me. He was a jock, a smoker, a guy who was dealing with a family going through divorce and issues with his older sister… I created everything from nowhere. Part of me is wondering if I should just go back and rewrite THAT book, and submit that one around to agents. At least it’s more of an adventure. Things happen, stakes are high, the MC can be killed at any time (and nearly does die at the end). These are the elements today’s hot books NEED TO HAVE.

Does my book have those elements? No, since it’s more like CITR and Outsiders. But are people interested in reading those kind of novels right now? Umm… I just don’t know anymore.

I’m circling a lonely little drain of self-doubt right now. (That’s why I came here. To whine about it.)

I participated in a stupid little Twitter event today, where you have to pitch your book in 140 characters or less. Super difficult to do! Anyway, agents read over all the tweets with the corresponding hashtag, and they favorite or reply to pitches they’d like to see as a full query. It’s been a few hours and no one’s favorited my tweet. 😦 Hey, I know, it’s just a silly Twitter event and it doesn’t mean anything in the grand scheme of things. There are a LOT of tweets out there with the hashtag to sift through, and maybe the right agents for me just aren’t on Twitter today. Maybe. Still, seeing other tweets getting favorited and commented on left and right is making me more than a little jealous and insecure. I should just shut it all down for the day and not look anymore.

The other thing bothering me today is not knowing where things stand with this guy I’ve been texting with for a week now. Long story short, but last week after drinking some booze and laughing my ass off watching Parks & Recreation, I went online and scoped out dudes on that site OKCupid. I saw one that made me go, “Oh. Wait a second, what is THIS?” and I made a quick profile and messaged him one short sentence: “Nice Dalek.” (He’s a huge Doctor Who fan, and one of his pics was him with a Dalek.) I didn’t expect a response and was only doing it half-seriously. The next morning, I even had that regret moment of oh, boy. Did I just throw my ring into the online dating fray last night??

But he responded. We wrote emails on the site all day on Friday, and he sent me his phone # so we could text. And text we DID. Holy shit. I have lost count of how many texts I have sent in the past week. It’s been a lot of fun, and he sounds like a pretty smart, intuitive and nice guy. It’s a little weird he hasn’t tried to just call me by now. I can handle it, though. He said outright he hates talking on the phone. But the other day, he said he thought we should meet in person soon to see if we had actual chemistry in real life, since everything was going so well in our texts. I agreed, we started talking about where and when, and then he asked about my sexual expectations and the texting went all serious in tone for a day. But he didn’t say anything that was a dealbreaker for me. However, did I? I was 100% honest with him. He brings out the honesty. He’s a behavioral health counselor (which I am completely fascinated by) and very blunt with me, too. Anyway, I wonder if I scared him off or said something wrong.

Because yesterday and today, our texting dropped off significantly. He hasn’t said a thing about seeing me this week. I kinda feel like something has changed his mind. I don’t know what. It’s probably something on his end and not something I did or said. I know that. But it still sucks, because I was getting my hopes up about meeting him and now I don’t know if it will really happen or not.

(I think he is either way too nervous and afraid to meet me, or he is talking to some other girl and might like her more. He said he had his heart broken about 6 months ago, so he’s probably scared of dating again.)

I’m thinking of texting him and flat out asking if he wants to meet up soon. See what he says. It’s just weird he was all gung-ho about it and then it just disappeared, like we’d never discussed it.

FUCK. See, this crap, this drama, these games, whatever… this is precisely the crap I do not want to deal with. This is why I am not actively trying to date. I don’t like the guessing game shit. It’s probably for the best if he weirds out on me, because my life just goes back to the way it’s been and I don’t have to deal with a guy, a relationship, with all that bullcrap.

Well, there it all is. I’m frustrated about the lack of agent responses, my writing itself, and now this guy. It does feel better to just vomit it all out here on my trusty ol’ diary blog, though.

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3 responses »

  1. Keep doing what you’re doing. ALL of it. And go ahead and write that other book in the meantime, then you’ll have TWO to shop around. You never know. Author W. Bruce Cameron’s smash hit “A Dog’s Purpose”, and it’s sequel “A Dog’s Journey” were not his first ventures into fiction. “Emory’s Gift”, which came out after those, was actually his first, and it wasn’t til after people got into his stuff (although his hysterical autobiographies/memoirs “Eight Simple Rules…” are great!) that it got published. You’re doing great things! There’s nothing wrong with your book! Quick picking at it!

  2. Thanks, Jen! It’s totally true that the first book an author pitch isn’t always the first one picked up. Even in Writer Ex’s case, that’s how it worked. (BTW, his 3rd book comes out this spring already. Wow.) I definitely have to just leave my book alone right now, work on something else. Also, since I wrote this post, an agent on Twitter *did* contact me and ask for the first 10 pages, so that wasn’t a wasted activity after all. Yay!)

    While I’m here–I continue to have problems commenting on your blog, but I’ve been reading about the puppy fostering situation. Sorry things are so sucky right now. I hope you get someone to foster soon… that would probably help you feel better about Rango, right? Hang in there. You’re doing amazing stuff. I wish I had it in me to foster again! I admire you.

  3. Woo-hoo! Congratulations and nice work! It will all happen in it’s own time and you are exactly WHO and WHERE you are supposed to be right now. So is your book. 🙂

    Grr. I wonder what the problem with Blogger is…? Thanks for your support and encouragement. TCDR is definitely still actively trying to pull puppies to foster. There was a gorgeous litter of 4 purebreds just the next day, 3 boys and 1 girl again, but they were all adopted from the shelter they were in very quickly. It’s probably all for the best, what with the state championship coming up, and my birthday soon after. I wasn’t going to be able to travel for either of those if I had puppies. If, however, a litter pops up after that, we have no plans, so that would be ok. You really have to be able to think 2-3 months down the road when fostering a litter, since you have no idea how long they will be around. It shouldn’t matter, but since certain other people in this house seem to be unwilling to travel with that many dogs in the car…

    Men.

    Anyway, it’s also hard for the rescue to pull puppies, knowing how quickly they will most-likely be adopted without our help. I think it’s only if they are in a shelter that we know well and work with often, and are in a place where they are guaranteed to get sick, that they pull them for rescue.

    Either way, at least they have homes.

    I miss my little Doodlebug, though. 😦

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