The Self-Righteous, Liberal A-Hole


Wow, it’s tough to be at work today. I thought I’d be super productive since a lot of people are off, taking a vacation day or two after the holiday. Instead, I’m all distracted and dopey. I spent a good 10 minutes just playing with my new phone this morning, trying different things with the text settings (it’s my first phone with a slide-out keyboard, woo hoo, slow down there, lady) and I realize I am supposed to finish an article today. I said I would do it. So I have to do it. My boss is counting on me to do it.

Good thing the article is about half finished already. But jeez, COME ON. Just finish the fucker! I want to slap myself into productivity. It won’t work, though. I’ll just get a red mark on my face and spend time looking in the mirror, trying to perfectly push my hair over the mark to hide it. And then I might do a Google search on “why people slap themselves” and the next thing you know it, I’ll be looking at old vintage photos again.

I am always searching for vintage photos. “Weird vintage photo” is one of my most popular searches, in fact.

I just got back from a quick lunch with my sister. We were talking about Dave Franco, and the weirdest thing happened: a guy walked by our table who looked a lot like Dave Franco. The timing was flawless. See, these are the kinds of things that amuse the hell out of me. Random coincidences. I love it.

Non-sequitur alert: Ever since I put my Obama magnet on my car, I get all giddy when I drive behind or next to someone who also has one (or a sticker). It’s like we’re in a club. A small club, of course (this is Arizona, after all… you better believe everyone’s voting for Mittens this fall), but a club all the same.

I worry that I look like a big douche, though. I’m already self-conscious about the Prius part of my sweet ride, but to add a political magnet to it just feels a little weird. I don’t think I am a giant a-hole, but who knows… maybe the rest of the world sees me in my Self-Righteous Prius and my Self-Righteous Obama Magnet and wants to beat the crap out of me.

Either way, it’s not enough to make me take it off my car. I’ll admit it– I’m kind of proud for my stance in this particular election, to be honest. I’m amused by the people who are freaking out and completely misinterpreting things like Obamacare and getting all crazy about their Constitutional rights getting stepped on. I feel like saying, “Whoa, calm down there, KneeJerk McCracken. Do your homework, read up on the thing, and think about it rationally for a few minutes. Think for YOURSELF and stop buying into things the media says or morons online who get off on spreading false facts and anxiety.”

I’m perfectly content with the President we currently have, thank you very much. For the first time in my memory, I’m not embarassed of our President. There are no scandals, no wars declared, gays aren’t being victimized, the environmental movement isn’t getting scoffed and belittled like it had been, I even got an $8K tax credit for buying my house, and he doesn’t mispronounce words or sound like a hillbilly when speaking with foreign dignitaries. Yeah, I’m cool with all of that.

I feel like if we vote him out now, he’s only half-started what he is capable of doing. Everyone wanted immediate CHANGE and now they bitch because it hasn’t all happened just yet. Like they could do any better. Like they have no clue how policy changes actually occur, when in fact, it’s common knowledge how long shit takes. Bills take YEARS to make it through the House, even in the best of situations. Nothing can occur overnight in this country, except the spread of panic, anxiety and misinformation. That can happen. No problem. We’re such an instant-gratification culture, it’s ridiculous.

Wow, I got all political there for a minute! Woot! Hot damn, lookit me!

Anyway, yeah. I’m just prolonging the inevitable here… I have got to get to work and finish my article. I’m a bum, a total bum.



2 responses »

  1. I am so ready for November to get here and be over. But I agree with you about everything you said. I try not to get too political but I feel as if it is the lesser of two evils. Yes, Obama has not done everything he said he would, but the man had a HUGE hole to dig out of. Could he have done more? Maybe, but he’s blocked a lot in Congress. And like you said I am not ashamed of him as I have been of presidents past. Mittens on the other hand I don’t want in the Presidency for anything. He ruined my home state and he’ll drive this country into the ground.

  2. Yay! for a president I’m not embarrassed to admit is my president. The sad part is that so much of the backlash against Obama is racially motivated.

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