I feel awful about something: I am having second thoughts about keeping Mighty/Moose. (Those are the two names I call him most frequently, for now.)
It’s not at all because he did anything, or because of how my other pets are reacting to him, or issues like that. I like him a whole lot, I really and honestly do. I think he is adorable, and sweet, and good-natured, well-behaved and playful. He has been a good boy since he’s been with me, with the exception of one poop-on-the-floor incident (my fault since I didn’t leave him outside long enough that night) and his lingering tendency to want to chase Simon. He’s actually a lot better about that now. Simon is out and walking around a lot more than he had been, and he’s vocal with me when I spend some time with him, petting and loving on him. I don’t think he’s traumatized– he’s just very submissive and meek when it comes to other animals. He’s always been like that, though. He let Gremlin come in and run the show when he arrived, even though I wanted him to stand up and knock the new kid around a little bit. But we don’t always get the hierarchy we, the humans, would like to see. Of course.
Both Simon and Hurley are submissive, actually. Hurley is letting Mighty/Moose get away with so much right now. I always let Hurley lick my plate after I’ve had tomato sauce and pasta, b/c he loves tomatoes so very much. Anyway, last night I went to do that and he did manage to lick most of the sauce away, but within minutes he allowed Mighty to muscle on in and take over. I’d expected Hurley to growl or give a warning, but he didn’t. He shares. He always shares — toys, rawhides, my affection, etc! It’s very endearing, but I’d be lying if I said I liked it. I think of Hurley has the vice president, after all– I want him to be powerful and the boss of the animals!
Anyway, I should get back to my second-thought thoughts.
The main reason I am hesitating about contacting the rescue women and saying “OK, I definitely want to adopt him” is because I am concerned that if I do this, if I take on a second dog, it’s a slippery slope. I was already worried about becoming the crazy animal-hoarding-lady back in July when I adopted Gremlin. I wondered if guys would think twice about dating me once they found out I had not one, but two cats. I felt better when I realized that the right guys, the ones I went so far as to go on dates with, did not mind at all. Some of them were cat owners, themselves.
But if I do this, I will be the woman with FOUR PETS. That is a very large number of pets for one person! As much as I love Gremlin (and I do–in fact, he could be my favorite cat at the moment), I sometimes wonder if I should have just kept it at one dog, one cat. Now, in the space of about six months, I am adding TWO new pets to the mix. In only six months. I don’t know, but I’m worried about the urges to adopt coming back again in, say, oh, six months from now. And/or six months after that. And so on, etc.
And I have a longing to adopt a really desperate dog. One that no one else wants because it’s ‘ugly’ or handicapped… I mean, I only get so many chances to adopt a new pet, and I want to make it really count. That sounds so awful. Like some dogs are more deserving than others. I’m having a tough time articulating what I mean when I say this.
Mighty/Moose is sweet, healthy and adorable. He will be easy to adopt out. He’s little. Little dogs do have it easier in the rescue community. Especially these days, when the rescue groups are overloaded with pit bulls and pit mixes. The rescue group I’m working with has historically had only larger dogs in its foster system. However, over the past month or so, a few smaller dogs have come their way (Axel being one, Mighty another… and there are at least two others I can think of) and they’ve all garned a lot of attention and were (or will be!) adopted very quickly. In the meantime, some of their bigger dogs have been with them for 10 or 11 months already! With no one interested in them! I feel so bad about this, and so bad for those dogs.
I’m definitely deep in thought these past few days, trying to sort out my feelings and instincts regarding Mighty/Moose. I wish it was an easy decision to make, like it was to adopt Hurley, or take in Simon. Those were just automatic, almost. I just KNEW. With Mighty/Moose, I don’t “just know.” I wish I did. I know it’s because I’ve already got three pets to take care of, and I work hard to try to be equal in my attention-giving and quality time with the three of them.
I totally, absolutely want to help as many homeless animals as I possibly can.
If I do this, am I only helping four animals to have a very good home? Or can I help countless others move through the group and find their perfect forever homes? If I let Mighty go and be adopted by someone else, then yes, I probably could directly help at least a few more.
Oh man, I JUST DON’T KNOW. I’m really confused and probably giving this way too much thought. I take this so seriously, I really do. I don’t want to make the wrong decision. Not for the animals, and not for my own future.
Is it terrible and selfish that I worry a little about what potential dates might think about all these animals? Now, I do know good and well that the RIGHT GUY won’t care at all about how many pets I have, and in fact, will love animals just as much as I do. But seeing as no one is lining up at my door and I very rarely even see attractive, single guys as I go about my real-life daily business, I wonder if I will ever really find anyone sometimes. This is a tricky emotional issue for me, because on one hand, I am quite content with teh way things are right now and don’t want to deal with the hassle of dating at all. Yet, on the other hand, I feel envious and jealous sometimes of my friends who are all married or in committed relationships all around me. And I can’t even let myself think seriously about the Kid Thing. If I can’t even get around to dating, how in the hell can I ever even fathom the thought that I might one day be a parent? That ship probably sailed a long time ago, and I am coming to terms with that, for real. I know I flipflop on the Kid Thing, yeah, but deep in my heart I feel terribly sad and disappointed that it hasn’t happened for me… and if things keep going on the current trajectory, it really won’t happen. It’s getting to the point where I’ve gotten nauseous visiting Facebook, and seeing photo after photo and post after post about people’s cute little kids. Every now and then, a photo or a story will just get to me and give me a case of the Jealousies. If so dang many of my friends weren’t parents, it wouldn’t be as difficult, but whatever. I can’t begrudge any of them, or any of you, your happiness and joy, of course! No way. I don’t mean that I don’t like the pictures or posts, or the fact that you’re happy and blessed. I just mean I am jealous. Plain and simple. And sometimes, I feel it stronger than other times. That’s all it is.
I can’t believe I am taking this tiny little 8 pound dog and attaching all this angst to him right now. Ridiculous. Sometimes I want to slap myself silly.
But yes, I really do need to figure out what is the best thing for me to do in this situation. I totally wish I could discuss it with Hurley and the cats, see if they really, really like this little guy or what. Would they miss him if he left?
I don’t have much time to decide about this, really. Mighty/Moose will have to go up on the rescue’s website very soon if I am not going to keep him. I need to let them know what I want to do.
Dear, sweet, lovable little dog: Please know I am trying my best to come to the absolute best decision for all of us. You, too. Maybe there is an even better home out there for you and if I am keeping you for myself, you’ll miss out on that! Or, not. Maybe I am the best home for you. This is so difficult. I wish I knew more, and could see the future.