Hurley’s latest nickname is Vice President.
He helps me (for, I am the President) make decisions and he will step in and perform my duties by keeping the cats in line if I am to fall in the line of duty. Or fall in some doody. Ha ha ha FART!
The VP has ways of making me do things I don’t want to do. For example, when I hit the snooze button a few times in the morning because I don’t want to get out of my warm, comfortable bed, the VP will jump up on the bed and forcefully lick my face until I get up. He is especially brutal around my eyes for whatever reason. It’s not enjoyable, and I find myself getting up just to escape the licking.
He expects frequent treats. He will stand in front of the shelf where I keep the treats and jump and try to get my attention; when I look at him, he looks up at the shelf, then at me, back to the shelf, back to me, etc. His face is expectant and dare I say, a little frightening in its seriousness. I do what I can to resist. (I have recently procured some very low-calorie treats and cut back on the food in his dish to make up for the treating that goes on.)
The VP takes his duties seriously. He is never late to work on any of these things, and does not falter from his post. He will sit at the front window and loudly proclaim his displeasure at anyone or anything that moves past our house. He will immediately rush to investigate any noise, no matter how soft. When the blender/ vacuum/ juicer/ salad spinner is in operation, he immediately barks and finds a cat to wrestle with, without fail. Vice presidents are very good at keeping the populace in line, it turns out.
I’m very happy he’s my running mate, three years into this Presidency. He was a solid choice from a proven party (the Shetland Sheepdog Party) and he’s got a lot of integrity and strong morals. He stands by his beliefs. And he’s good at public events– you should see him in the photos, shaking hands (or paws) and kissing babies.
God bless the Vice President! Now I must go and confer with him in counsel. We have many matters of state to discuss.