When we take a closer look…

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There are just a few more thoughts on the whole Jason situation that I felt like mentioning…because the more I think of this, I am a little annoyed at this whole thing. My family and friends have mentioned the following:

* It was very, very lame to break up with me by email. And it wasn’t even a dedicated email… he just replied to my last email. A phone call would have been much classier. I can live with this, and it’s not a HUGE deal, but still– in a way, it made it feel like he really didn’t care as much about me as I thought.

* What was he doing on Match.com in the first place?! He knew he would have his girls with him come May of this year, and he knew he would always put his daughters first over everything, yet he still initiated a search to find a girlfriend? That seems a little shortsighted and unfair. If his kids were that important, he should have known better and not started anything in the first place.

* It’s great that he is such a devoted dad, but I doubt his having a girlfriend wouldn’t have impacted his kids as much as he seemed to think it would. Lots of kids grow up with divorced parents who date, now. Hell, his own girls live in Colorado with their mother, who has a boyfriend. So somehow, it’s OK for the ex-wife to date, but not Jason? I highly doubt his daughters have ever said anything to the effect of “don’t ever date anyone, Dad.” When they get older, there’s a chance that Jason will mention that he never had a relationship with anyone because he was putting the girls first, and they might feel really bad. They could feel guilty, and feel like they kept their father from fully living his life. And that’s not cool for a parent to put that on their kids.

I base this on something my own Mom used to say all the time: “I do without so you kids can have.” That always made me angry, because it’s not like I ever once asked her to forget about herself just to do something for me. I felt like there was room for both– love your kids and family, but love yourself, too. It was a negative thing for her to say, and it set me up in some ways for the doormat-type person I was for years. I’ve always felt bad asking for things, and I never, EVER wanted to inconvenience anyone for my benefit. Hell, I still do that. I didn’t (and don’t) want anyone to resent me.

Well, it’s his life and his decision regarding how he handles his personal life, or lack thereof. In retrospect, I just happen to think he’s only looking at this from one narrow perspective and not thinking long-term. For himself, or for his kids.

OK, that’s all I’ve got on this subject. I just think it’s interesting to ponder the situation from the point of view of the people who love me. It really adds a sharper focus!

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3 responses »

  1. Those very things have definitely crossed my mind. Also the thought of the girls asking their dad about whether or not he had a girlfriend, and then hearing that he did but cut that out of his life when they came to live with him. And you KNOW teenage girls WILL ask their dad such a thing… I thought it was odd that he felt like he had to end your relationship because of the girls at all. It seemed like the long-distance thing would have only helped you guys in the long run, rather than hindered things. I mean, it would have been better than nothing, and he couldn’t really use the girls as an excuse – and who uses their kids as an excuse, anyway? I know whenever I used to make plans with my friends who had kids, I always tried to include the kids, or offered to do something we could all participate in. I at least made sure it was known that they would be welcome. Sure, my friends were always like “You think I want to hang out with my kid?! I wanna do something fun for a change- without my kid!” But, that’s between the parent and their kids.

    You’re right. Sounds kinda wishy-washy when you stop and think about it. He could have at least been a man about it. I bet he already regrets breaking things off with you, too.

    As for parents, “Sometimes you have to do without- because you’re an adult (or in order to have something else you really want later on down the line)”, is what I always heard.

  2. I didn’t know he only did the break up over email. That is a bit shady and rude. I thought he at least called you after. 😦

    And perhaps he is just scared of trying to juggle and letting people down. Maybe he’s overwhelmed and he felt you were the easiest thing to cut. I’m trying to play devil’s advocate here. But I did wonder why it would be too difficult to keep up the relationship at least throough email and phone. You may not have been able to see each other a lot but you could still talk. This just shows he probably wasn’t really ready after all to have a relationship.

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