I’ve had a day to process everything, and I feel a lot better. First, my friend Amy is stable and doing OK. 🙂 We went to visit her in the hospital last night for a few hours and we found out more details about what’s been going on and her prognosis. I feel so bad for her, though. I can’t imagine how scary it would be to go through seizures, or even to know you have a “propensity” for seizures and could have one at any time… But either way, she looked good, all things considered, and I know she’s in good hands.
As for Jason, well… I think I am OK with this breakup.
The more I think about it, we had a lot of challenges to overcome if we were going to make this work. The distance thing being the first one, of course. Living over 50 miles from each other definitely put a cramp in how often we could see each other. And of course, the fact that he has three children was pretty daunting. I did wonder, before this happened, how things for us would go in the summer when his girls all moved back to AZ to live with him for the school year. I know he puts his kids foremost, of course, so I had a suspicion that we’d hit a snag once they were here full-time.
When he is done with the military in three years, he plans to move back to Colorado because that’s where his family is, and where his daughters live half of the time. If he moved up there, they wouldn’t have to shuttle their lives back and forth a year at a time, switching schools and all of that. So yes, that would be easier for everyone. But if I were to still be with him at that point, I’d probably have to decide if I wanted to go to CO, too.
I’m not demanding or clingy. I don’t need or want to spend several days a week with a boyfriend. But it would be nice to see one, if I had one, more than once a month. I do think it’s a huge help if you live relatively near to one another so, you know, a relationship can develop. And it happens by spending time together, especially at little everyday times, like running to the store together or taking a drive someplace. If and when I date again, I would definitely prefer someone in my part of the valley.
The sadness over it ending with him is because I did truly like him a lot. I figured he was worth the effort, the more I did get to know him as a person. I was willing to be fair and respect his space and his wishes with his kids, and I WAS fair and respectful. I didn’t complain once. I didn’t have time to, but that’s beside the point! He is a very optimistic, happy person in general and I liked being around someone like that, and even better, getting to kiss someone like that. I’ll miss it.
And he did introduce me to the juicing thing, and the importance of eating ‘clean’ and going organic, so the entire short relationship was worth it just for that, right there. I’m glad he had a positive influence on my life and health. I can’t say I have met many people who have done that, in particular! So he’ll always be in my memory for that reason alone. I’m grateful I met him, I really am.
I’m glad the entire thing happened, right down to this breakup. Like some of you have said to me, it got me out into the dating world and helped me begin to learn that not all guys are secret-assholes; there truly are honest, genuine men out there. They’re not creatures existing in fiction only! It was nice to find this out, first-hand. I mean, people can say “oh, there are nice guys out there; you’ll find a nice, normal guy one of these days” all they want, but until you experience it yourself, it’s kind of tough to believe it. At least, it was for me. I used to get that feeling of, “Maybe the nice guys are out there, but they’re not for me. Other girls already got them all.” I don’t feel that way anymore. I feel hopeful and more experienced, and that’s definitely worth going through a little bit of pain to get there.
Jason’s purpose, if you will, was to introduce me to healthier living and get me out of my safe little comfort zone. It was probably never meant to be more than that, actually. It’s just my first time off the bench in a long time, after all… I need to ease back into the game or I’m gonna blow a knee out, coach.
Now, I get to look forward to What Happens Next. With everything!
Not just dating, of course. I’m talking about my life, overall. Who I become, what I accomplish…all of that. I’ve now got one more important life experience loaded into my memory and it’ll have positive impact on the future, I’m sure.
Hey, shit happens. There’s a reason that’s a famous saying. Because it’s true. Sometimes, crappy things will come along in your life… but there’s nothing you can do about it, except keep your own mental outlook centered and balanced. Freaking out, crying, feeling sorry for yourself, all of that doesn’t make the crappy thing pass any faster, so why waste your energy? Save it for What Happens Next, because you’ll need it.