Brain tissue: Cooked


According to the news, today is the 31st day in a row of temperatures of 110 degrees or higher here in Phoenix. It’s the hottest August on record. And if we top out 110 again tomorrow, we’ll have broken the record for the longest period of time for any month/months of consecutive temperatures of at least 110. This is really not good. In fact, it sucks ass.

You know how I was saying I think my depression’s coming back? Well, what if it is just this terrible heat? I realized today that everyone is sort of grumpier than usual these days. No one is doing much of anything, it feels like. It’s not just me. It’s all of us who chose to move to the hottest part of the country… by the way, what the hell were we thinking, again? Why would anyone want to live here?!

(Of course, I won’t be saying this in January.)

I think that my brain is starting to cook from the outside-in. That would explain why I feel like absolute crap right now. I’m trying to wrap up an article and damned if I can’t seem to make one thought/concept flow out in a neat, intelligent way. It’s like every synapse is firing at a super-slow, flickering pace. I keep wanting to open my cranium and shake the brain around in there, like “C’mon, stop fritzing out!” Kind of like when you shake and slap a flashlight on the palm of your hand to get the beam of light to stabilize.

When my brain is NOT busy cooking, I’ve had a couple of neat things to consider. For one, the one awesome guy has been writing to me a lot. He’s taking my lead, which is fantastic– I don’t feel like he is being pushy or bothering me at all. He told me last weekend that he was writing some fiction and I asked him about it. He wrote back yesterday and told me this amazing-sounding plot that really impressed me. He was worried I would be uninterested in replying to him, because part of his story has to do with an American-South slave tradition involving medicinal-plant-induced abortions… I couldn’t write back to him fast enough to tell him that was totally NOT the case with me. I told him how much I liked his idea, actually. Because I did. I was very, very surprised.

He asked me about my writing, so I told him about all THREE of my books!

He wrote back the coolest email. He said I was “incredible.” He’s never told any of his dates about his book, let alone the details of the plot… and he said he loved how my mind works and was all impressed with my stories, too. He recommended I read a couple books that somehow reminded him of my “Jinni” story… I checked already, and none of them have the same plot at all– the tones and themes are apparently similar; and how cool is it that a guy can discuss tones and themes?!

Well, that kind of did it. Now I want to meet him.

I think I’ll email him later today to ask him when he’d like to get together. He is still the only person I have been communicating with on Match. I’m so picky and selective. But I CAN be, so I don’t care.

As for the zombie-book guy, I.M., I haven’t heard from him; meaning, he hasn’t responded to any more of my FB posts or comments I made on a couple of his posts. I don’t know how to be cool about this… I mean, what the hell is the protocol with commenting on a semi-celebrity’s page? I don’t want to be like the weird stalker lady. But I also would like to stay sorta on his radar, you know? It’s a tricky little thing. Not that anything could ever really come of this, like he would want to talk to me more or something, but…what if? What if there was a slight chance he’d be interested in getting to know me, too? That would be too much fun. So, yeah. We’ll see, I guess. But of COURSE, I expect nothing.

OK, back to article purgatory. I hope that it’s cooler wherever you are today than it is here! And if you are here, too, well then… let us moan, sweat and melt away together.


2 responses »

  1. The second part of this post is exactly how I felt when I first discovered a certain now-famous dog trainer. I saw him in a competition on TV. I looked him up online, found a video, posted it on my blog. He had some trackback thing that let him know when he was being talked about, and found my blog that way. He left a comment. I thought “Hey, cool! a peer! somebody to talk dogs with!”, so after much deliberation, I emailed him (as he was the one who left his email address in the comment he left on my blog). Thus began a whirlwind of back-and-forth emails 24/7 for six months. Kind of an internet “romance” if you will. Then nothing. Poof. Gone. Except that, through the magic of the internet via YouTube, MySpace, Facebook and Twitter, he was still alive. Still out there. Just no longer talking to me. I’d get an occasional email from him- obvious he was “checking in” on me. Crap like “I don’t know why I stopped emailing you…” Meanwhile the internet made it very easy to see what other girls he had met online and was chatting up, right down to comments all over the place that made me realize that the things he said to me weren’t unique. I wasn’t anybody. I wasn’t special. He said those things to all the girls. And yet I had tried so hard the whole time to remain professional, keep my distance. I still got very hurt and it took a long time to turn loose of all of the attachments, process and break free of all the emotions. Yeah, it’s cool and exciting at first. It’s neat. It’s nice to be noticed (while wondering “Why? What’s so great about me that somebody would notice?” the whole time. It just sucks when it’s over. 5 years later, he’s still out there. Arrogant and full of himself as ever- currently dating his third “10-years-younger-than-he-is” dumb girlfriend. I don’t consider him a friend anymore and we don’t speak, though he pops up every once in a while. He’s changed a lot. We aren’t as like-minded as we used to be and I disagree with a lot of his opinions. He’s VERY opinionated. It’s disappointing.

    I’m happy for you that you have this neat, new thing, though. I hope it’s whatever you want it to be. I’m just burned by and turned off to celebrities now. No more going ga-ga over any kind of famous guy ever again.

  2. I just got all giddy reading about your awesome guy. Because he does sound awesome! I can’t wait to hear more about him!

    Play it cool with I.M. You’re an awesome chick and if he doesn’t want to talk to you, his loss. 🙂

    I am wondering if the heat is getting to me too. I have felt just so off lately. Depressed, lackluster, stagnent. I need some crisp New England fall weather.

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