Allow me to Bitch with a capital B! Here goes:
I’m not happy about an article I need to write for the magazine. It’s supposed to be a profile article on a Brazilian mining company, and this company has burned me now for months and months. Meaning, we gave them questions back in April and they missed deadline after deadline to get the answers back to me and/or set up a phone interview. We bumped them to later issues and they STILL missed deadlines. At the end of last week, they came back again and demanded to be given another chance because they want to be on the cover of our magazine. I don’t trust them one bit. But my editor decided we needed to give them this chance, and do the article, so… I have to interview some guy today in about 20 minutes. I’m really not excited at all about embarking on this whole thing, because I can tell how difficult they’re going to be as we go through the production process. I don’t have confidence that they will make deadlines for getting things to us, and I think they’re going to want me to rewrite the article to suit their needs once they read my draft. UGGGGGGGGGHHHH.
Well, whatever… I’ll do it, and I’ll do my best. But it doesn’t mean that inside I am not annoyed about it. I’ve worked with problem companies before and it’s not fun. Because in the end, even if they are the ones screwing you over by not holding up their end of the deal by returning things to be on-time, I am still the one my main boss holds responsible. Shit, when one company held up the approval process by over a MONTH and I did everything possible to get the article back, I still ended up being written-up for it. It’s not always fair because we can’t go to these companies and force their hand to make them do what we want them to do.
Anyway. That’s one thing that’s got me all grrrrrr today.
I’m also starting to wonder if my medication needs some tweaking. I’ve been doing really great overall, making positive changes in my life and working towards goals, and striving to see the optimistic side of even the worst scenarios. Yet, something is creeping up on me, anyway. I’ve been lethargic again, and I’m not enjoying the things I had been just a month or so ago. I’m not sleeping right, and I sometimes just drift off in non-descript thoughts and feel all melancholy afterwards. Yep, I think my super-awesome depression is trying to punch its way back into my life. And I am PISSED OFF about that. I mean, leave me alone! I am doing well. I’m doing things correctly, and making myself healthier and all that good stuff… so get out of here. You have no right to come back here, depression.
So, we’ll see what happens next. I’m not going to just rush to my doctor to get a medication adjust right away, because frankly I have been on this particular cocktail for awhile now and the idea of changing it up doesn’t excite me. There could be new side effects to contend with, and I am a pussy when it comes to that stuff. So I am going to just exercise a lot, make a serious effort to get to sleep earlier and maybe even take melatonin or some other drug to help me sleep straight through the night, and keep on journaling and figuring out what’s really bothering me at times like this. Maybe this is just a weird phase that will pass on its own. I think I’ll give it about a week, and see how I feel.
OK, I am done bitching. The end. Whew! 🙂