The Curious Case of the Long-Haired Dachshund


Just like I predicted, I feel a lot better today than I did last night when I wrote that last blog post. Venting there, and to my sister, helped very much. Today I am back to being a big jackass, like usual.

I’ve had two meetings this morning, and then I went to lunch with R. So I haven’t done much work yet, and after I post this, that’s what I’ll be doing. I haven’t been in a work frame of mind today, though. I feel like being a dork. Joking around, making bad puns and metaphors and looking up dumb crap online. I’m in a decent mood.

But now that I’ve had lunch, I think I can settle down a little and get things accomplished. I also got a lot of my snarking and stupid-joke-making out of the way with R. We really made each other laugh hard today; and I can’t share what we were laughing at because it’s too gross/too personal. And it wouldn’t translate well here, at all. Like most jokes or things that make me laugh like a goon.

The weather’s awesome today. It started out very windy and overcast. The sunrise was really pretty this morning, through the clouds! Now it’s raining. It’s still incredibly windy. For some reason, I just love these days so much. I feel invigorated. I kind of wish I could go hiking in the rain and wind, but let’s be honest here: heavy winds + rain + rocks along mountain trails = me tripping at some point and breaking something. I know my limits. Well, I hope that there will still be weather when it’s time to go home tonight. I think I’d like to run on the treadmill, watching through the window as the trees bend in the wind. I might play music loudly, or I might open the window if it isn’t raining much.

Random things:

* I love the Old Spaghetti Factory. (And yes, I just had lunch there today.)

* I need to put batteries in my camera so I can download the photos I took of Hurley this weekend, down on Main Street in Mesa. I posed him by the giant pig statue, which is something I’ve wanted to do for a long time. Hey, we all have our goals and dreams…

* While my Mom and I were on Main Street, we sat Hurley in one of the chairs at our table, where we were eating slices of pizza for lunch. I’d just picked him up from the groomer, and he was looking perfect– I didn’t want to make him sit in all the pollen and little leaves all over the sidewalk, so the chair was the best option. It was very cute. He’s a gentleman, and he did enjoy getting a little bit of cheese from our pizza and then some ice from my drink. Anyway, a woman walked past and said, “Oh, what a lovely dog. What is he? A long-haired dachshund?” This almost made me laugh out loud. That’s one of the most original breeds anyone has mistaken him for. Oddly enough, there have been cases when people have called him an Australian shepherd(!), an “English sheepdog” (wrong again, pal), or a border collie. In fact, on Saturday the groomer called him a border collie until I corrected her. The groomer!! You’d think she’d be an expert in dog breeds! But she also wasn’t the sharpest knife in the drawer, in general. God, I wanted to laugh in her face, but instead I was polite and laughed once I was outside. Border collie. 

Long-haired dachshund:

Hurley (and Simon, with his trash can):

* A lot of people here have begun wearing shorts and flip flops. We did hit 90 last week, so it makes sense, but for some reason I can’t do this yet, myself. It’s still March. A piece of my brain seems to retain the NJ sensibilities that have mostly been lost; and it’s the piece that thinks flip flops are for the SUMMER MONTHS ONLY.

* Another reason I don’t want to wear flip flops yet? Haven’t done my toenails in a long time. I need a pedicure.

* I’ve become a huge fan of earplugs when I sleep. It’s helped me so much over the past few nights; I haven’t woken up more than once during the night, and that was just to go pee. I think a lot of my sleeping issues really have been related to being a light sleeper and waking whenever I hear a noise. I may not always remember the noise I heard when I wake up, but if the last two nights are any indication, not being able to hear seems to make a real difference. I also can’t hear Simon when he begins to knock stuff around my bedroom in the 15-20 minutes before my alarm clock goes off. I can hear the alarm clock, though. It’s awesome not hearing something fall off my dresser or the trash can being knocked over and licked (I’ll explain in the next bullet point) and having to jump up and yell at him. Maybe he’ll stop doing it if he gets no reaction. I hope.

* Simon enjoys licking certain plastic items in my house. His favorite is the little plastic stepstool that was the cause of my tailbone/wrist fractures last year. He curls up underneath it, and licks the plastic on the legs. But he also likes this black trash can from IKEA that’s in my bedroom (it’s the one he was inside when I took photos of him as a kitten). He likes it so much that I can’t actually use it for trash; it’s inevitable that he will knock it over every single night and sit inside it, licking the walls of the can. It amuses me, so I’m OK with not having an actual trash can in my room. He’s so weird. I love it.

* Call off the memorial service! Three of my plants are not dead as was initially believed! My snail vine is coming back to life, and so is one bourganvillea and one lantana. The growth on those last two is very tiny at the moment, but it’s great to see that not everything perished this winter. I do think I lost one of my trees, for sure. It’s brittle, brown and not sprouting leaves like the others.

* I’ll end this post with a couple of Jack Handey “Deep Thoughts” that I love:

“Someone told me it’s frightening how much topsoil we are losing each year. But I told that story around a campfire, and no one got scared.”

“If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.”


6 responses »

  1. so my sister found a pedicure place near your house (and her bestie’s) that she loves. lemme know if you need to know the details.

  2. I’m so glad you’re feeling better! I was going to ask if Simon lived in that damn trash can 🙂 but then you explained it. I don’t think that woman on Main Street has ever actually seen a dachshund before.

  3. I forgot the most common misnomer for Hurley’s breed: “A miniature collie.” People say that one A LOT. I’ve also heard “Shetland shepherd” before, too. And me, I have said it wrong, too. I once said he was a “Sheetland Shepdog” when someone asked me. It’s a tongue twister, I guess!

    One time my sister had Malcolm on her lap as she went through the drive through; the dumb girl at the window took one look at him, made a face and said, “Uh, what kinda cat is that?!” This story will never stop being funny. Aww, Malcolm. So unique. So cat-like. 😉

  4. The dachshund thing- HOW funny! The minds of people these days…

    I, too, was a fan of sleeping with earplugs in, when I lived in an apartment below a bunch of restaurant chefs, who worked late shifts then came home to cook their own dinner- with all of their friends in tow. Something about hearing your own breathing while wearing earplugs knocks me right out. Not to mention hearing your own neck pop and adjust as things realign themselves is kind of interesting. Also, it’s fascinating how much you can still hear with earplugs in, if need be. I used to worry I wouldn’t wake up, but I never had that problem.

    Thought of you the other day. The Doctors was on. I don’t normally watch, but there was nothing else to do, so I listened for a bit. They discussed night terrors/sleep paralysis, which I have always wondered about, in your case, and they DID say that hallucinations are a quite common part of it. That people often report “seeing” “ghosts” or “demons” during that in-between phase when your body is transitioning from sleep to wakefulness. I’ve often wondered if that was the explanation for your bedtime spirit, but hesitated to suggest it until I could remember exactly what I had heard about such phenomena. You’ll have to let us know whether he vanishes thanks to the earplugs or not.

  5. The night terror scenario really does seem to be the most likely culprit, when I think about it logically. The way people have described it was pretty much exactly how it happened to me, too. There are two situations, though, that can’t be explained by night terrors: A) The time I was doing my makeup one morning and Hurley came into the bathroom, and stared at the empty shower and began barking/whining and even play bowing–at nothing! It’s hands-down the most freaky thing I’ve seen in this house. B) I heard a voice say, “THERE it is” in the hallway when I was sitting on my bed reading before going to sleep one night. It was like someone was looking for something in the closet and they found it. I thought for sure I was losing my mind!

    I went against some people’s advice (FB friends, mostly) and talked to whatever spirit might/might not be in my house. I told it not to worry, I was taking very good care of the house and I loved it. I didn’t mind if the spirit was there with us, but it would be better if it kept to itself and didn’t wake me up/ talk in the hallway anymore.

    And, almost unbelievably, I haven’t had a problem since. I do sleep with a nightlight on now, because the shadows in the dark were freaking me out all the time with my overactive imagination. That brings me to a key point: I do have an active mind, and it goes berserk when I’m asleep sometimes, giving me the craziest, most detailed dreams. It seems to me I’d be a perfect candidate for night terrors! Anyway, It has been several months since anything has happened. Simon dropped to the floor once and rolled around like there was suddenly catnip on the floor of my bathroom, swatting at the air… was it the spirit playing with him? Or just a little bug? Who knows?! I’m just choosing not to be scared or put too much thought into any of it.

    Here’s the way I see it: If there are supernatural spirits around, there’s really no reason at all to freak out about it or treat it like it’s soemthing that is wrong. If there are spirits, they’ve been here for a very long time. And I highly doubt that very many of them even want to interfere with humans. I think spirits, if they exist, are energy. Possibly just trapped energy, not even from someone who is dead; just a memory or moment, stuck in a place, and under certain conditions, that moment will be repeated. Maybe the guy who lived in the house before me was desperately seeking something in the hall closet and when he finally found it, his relief was so profound it “stuck” to the house. Anything’s possible! I’m choosing to have an open mind, but also a mind grounded in scientific facts and reality.

  6. Long-haired dachshund? Really??? I wish I could call out stupidity like that. Would make life so much more fun.

    I may need to try to ear plug thing. I seem to wake up three four times a night/morning (since I don’t go to bed until 3 AM) I know I am not getting as much restful sleep as I should, thus I feel exhausted all the time.

    Nerissa LOVES plastic bags. She will come running whenever she hears one. She licks the bags in the trashcans. And if there is a bag anywhere she will sit and lick and lick until we take it away. We can’t leave any bags out at night because she will keep us up with all the licking. I don’t get it. Jen told me something about why cats do this but I don’t remember…

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