Hopes, dreams and plans for the next 365 days. Okay. Well, I guess I can break it down separately to try to make some sense of this particular prompt.
I hope that my Mom is healthy as she faces the latest little health challenge. I hope that my sister finds a fantastic job that appreciates her for the hard worker she is. I hope Hurley and Simon remain healthy and happy. I hope my own health holds out, and that endometriosis stays out of the picture for a long time. I hope no one else rear-ends my car (heh). I hope my Mom loves her new apartment, and can tolerate the resulting commute to work. And I hope that my Dad makes some headway with his wife so that he can move out to Arizona in a couple of years, which is what he wants more than anything. (She doesn’t want to move here. Too hot, and too far from her own kids. Well, my Dad has kids, too, and a right to retire where he wants, so there.)
I dream of how incredible it will feel when I write the last sentence in my book. I dream of how awesome it will be to send it off to a bunch of agents to try to find someone to represent me, and my book. I dream of feeling content and accomplished. I dream of further evolution along my journey to true self-acceptance and self-confidence, and how wonderful it will feel to truly believe in who I am, right now. I dream of becoming an aunt… and hopefully hearing the good news within the next 365 days, if I had my way, that is! And finally, I dream of love, basically. Being loved, and being able to love another. I dream of peace in my mind, my life and in the lives of my family.
I plan to become stronger. I will pinpoint the things that hold me back, and pulverize them. I am better than the crap that keeps me from succeeding and reaching my dreams, so I plan to prove that, once and for all. I plan to stop putting things off, and “just do it.” I plan to write constantly. I plan to not think so much. I plan to have fun, enjoy myself and see the bright side of things as much as possible. I plan to always think of alternatives when a roadblock appears. I plan to be healthier through exercise; moving my blood through my body and reducing stress and depression, naturally. I plan to fuel my body with better food choices, and eat protein (even though I don’t want to; I have to do it to be healthier). I plan to choose a group to volunteer with, with Hurley. Finally, I plan to honor myself and my life.
I haven’t told a lot of people about this, really, but every morning I have been listening to K-Love. If you don’t know what that is, it’s a nationwide Christian station, and frankly it has helped me a lot over the past year or so. I started listening by accident last summer, when the radio was left on 105.5 instead of 104.7 by a chance touch-on-the-sensitive-dial. The logo is simply: “Positive, Encouraging.” And that’s what it is. Every day, it’s so nice to wake up to positive stories and light-hearted, good-natured DJs instead of the mean, cynical and nasty morning DJs on so many other stations. K-Love isn’t nearly as cheesy as I thought it would be. It’s NICE. And it doesn’t use as heavy a hand as you’d think to share the basic, encouraging messages of Christianity, which is cool. I never, ever would have thought I’d be a person to enjoy Christian radio!!! Yet, here I am, listening every morning. I know songs by heart now. And I feel like I’m challenged to think deeply about the big questions like why am I here and what can I do to help others and what does belief in God truly mean for how you live your life, everyday. I don’t get this message anywhere else right now, and so I’m really enjoying it first thing in the morning, every day.
ANYWAY. I have a point to this. For the month of January, the DJs were talking about My One Word, which is an alternative to making a New Year resolution. Here’s a website about it: http://myoneword.org/
Basically, the idea is to pray and think about one word that captures the essence of what you want to accomplish in your life in the coming year. And then, you keep that word in mind and find ways to address it in as many ways as you can. I picked my word on January 2, and it’s been interesting how it’s taking form in my head so far. My word is HONOR.
I’m the kind of person who tends to be very negative about myself, all the time. I put myself down, rather than cheer myself on. But I don’t want to waste my life like that. Instead, I want to honor the life I’ve been given. Honor my health, my relationships with family and friends and honor the opportunities I have. I have blessings and skills other people don’t have, and so I want to make the most of them. I’m sick of being incomplete, as an individual. So it’s about honoring myself this year. Learning how to do that without feeling guilty or selfish, or any other words I mash into the mix when I think of doing this.
And I will honor two areas of my life in particular. One is I will honor my writing, my stories. They deserve to be told, and they’re worthy, so I’ll keep that in mind this year as I work and struggle to get my book finished. There’s a reason I do this, and it’s what I’ve always been called to do. So I will honor my writing!
And I will honor my right to love and be loved. This one’s even harder for me, but I think if I keep journaling and praying about it, I’ll figure it out when the time is right. I don’t want to keep hiding away and thinking I’m not capable of being in a solid, happy relationship. I want to re-learn how to be OK with this subject. It’s cool I am a strong, independent single woman with her own house and all of that, but I can be even more than that. I can remember how nice things like a long hug or a shared, secret look across the room are without sacrificing myself and all the work I am doing…and will do… to honor myself.
So, that’s basically the thing that ties all of the hopes, dreams and plans for the year together, for me: The word HONOR.