Two real jerk-moves, by real-life jerks.


Before we begin, I have two gripes (that are also kind of funny) I need to get off my chest. Facebook isn’t a safe place to air these, but the blog sure is!

1) Our supervisor sent out an email to let us know she had placed a “basket of goodies” outside of her office. She said “first come, first served” and wow, that turned out to be really true. In the space of about two minutes following her e-mail, the basket was nowhere to be seen. I even thought that maybe my supervisor hadn’t actually put the basket out yet.

It turns out that three co-workers made their way to the basket o’ goodies and helped themselves to ALL of it, including the basket itself. They did this so fast that none of us had a chance to even see the basket. I’ve never seen ‘free treats’ go so fast, ever. I get the “first come, first served” thing, but this was crazy. Even the basket?! Wow. And a merry Christmas to you, too, co-workers! (For the record, the three who did this are not cool, anyway, so it’s not so much a surprise that each of them would be greedy. They’re also the three most self-centered people in our department, and the most pessimistic.)

Sharing FAIL!

2) So, we had a lunch meeting today. It’s a thing we have to do as per the CEO’s directive. The one perk of it is that we get lunch out of the deal. Today was pizza day. Yay! The last two meeting-lunches were sandwiches, and they sucked. (All meat, so I had to pick off the stuff I don’t eat; and at the first lunch, the sandwiches were so tiny that it was impossible to feel satiated. LAME.) So I was mildly psyched for pizza.

I had a feeling that I should have told the person ordering the pizza to be sure to get a plain pizza. But you know, it seems obvious that there be a plain pizza in the mix when you order for any group, really. And then, it always turns out that the plain pizza is the first to go because everyone wants it.

I only eat plain pizza. Or, I eat it with tomatoes or basil. But all the toppings and greasy meat-shit is so gross to me.

So, of course, there were only three pizzas at the meeting. They ALL had meat on them. (A pepperoni, a sausage and a supreme.) No plain pizza in sight. Son of a bitch! There was nothing for me to eat! And don’t say, “oh, couldn’t you have picked the stuff off of the pizza?” because NO, I couldn’t. You know that meat-juices always remain and taint the pizza forever after. It’s a fact. It’s gross and I only do it in desperate circumstances.

You couldn’t order a damn plain pizza? Get it together, jerk!

I feel cheated out of a free lunch. I cry injustice! INJUSTICE!!! 

Actually, I have nothing else to add to this post. I’m done with my rant.

As you were.

Carry on.


4 responses »

  1. Wow. Those greedy coworkers were really bad!

    Ever try blotting the pizza with paper towels? That’s supposed to soak up a lot of the grease. It’s kind of a calorie-saving “trick” but maybe if you were desperately hungry it would have been a solution…?

  2. I know I’ve said this before, but your workplace sounds super fucking psycho. Damn, people are greedy. And who doesn’t order at least one cheese pizza for a group of people? I can’t eat meat-topped pizza either. Once the pizza’s done, the flavor of whatever’s on top of it gets sort of baked in. Blech.

  3. Wow, your work sounds more and more like mine in the selfishness and extreme high school antics. I am sorry you have to put up with a bunch of jerks. 😦

  4. Actually, it’s not as bad as you think. I’m actually amused at the selfishness and the no-plain-pizza thing… it was just fun being Outraged with a capital O yesterday, along with my friend-coworkers. At least I have people on my ‘side’ and we find humor in the stupid stuff. You kind of have to… or you go postal!

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