All right, shithead. Listen up.


Dear Guy Who Did the Work on My House Today,

I had a great experience with your company the last time I hired you to do the painting and baseboards. The price was great, the work professional. So I went ahead and hired your company a second time to get a few more things taken care of. These are tasks that I probably could have done myself, but to be honest, I wanted to make sure they were done CORRECTLY because they involve electricity and drilling holes in my kitchen cabinets.

You don’t want to screw up when you’re drilling holes in cabinets and drawers for new handles. After all, you do it wrong, you’re stuck with ugly holes that don’t belong there. You can putty them, paint them, whatever– but it’s still going to look like crap. So, I decided to pay money to someone to do this job.

And the company sent you over, Guy With Russian (?) Accent.

And apparently, you didn’t get the memo from your boss that they are known for their quality work. They have an A+ rating from the BBB. I’m sure they won’t want to risk ruining their reputation because of your shoddy work. Sorry, guy, but I have to tattle on you. Because:

1) You hung three of the wrong handles on my drawers before my Mom called me to report the error. I decided it was better to leave them that way, rather than having him re-drill another set of holes. But this was something I made absolutely clear just this morning to the guy’s boss… short handles on the drawers, long handles on the cabinets. Not rocket science.

2) Because you hung the wrong handles, I had to go buy more. On my lunch hour. I got them at IKEA. Do you know how long it takes to get in and out of IKEA? It’s a pain in the ass. Luckily, I knew exactly what I needed and where they were, but it was still annoying to make my way back down to the checkout. Then I had to do the 20 mile drive back to my house, drop the handles off, and then drive all the way back to the other side of town again back to work. Somewhere in there, I had to eat lunch. I did McDonalds, and ate in my car. Yuck. All in all, it turned into an almost-two-hour lunch hour. This annoys me more than the wrong-handles themselves.

3) Both light fixtures in both bathrooms are hung badly off-center. That’s because I had old lightbars there before, and I guess it was easier to just stick the new lights (not bars, but fixtures with a base and an arm that holds three lamps) over the existing holes.

4) The water pressure in the fridge isn’t better. It’s even slower.

5) The water issue in my hall bathroom (hot/cold faucets are reversed, and even then, the hot never gets hot at all) wasn’t resolved, either. Yet he insisted it was fixed.

I just sent an email to the contractor, detailing all of this. And guess what? He just called me back. We talked (yes, at 11:30pm) and he is going to be here tomorrow to go over everything, assess how to fix the issues and talk to you about how to do everything correctly. I hope it won’t be all awkward, with me feeling like a big complainer, but hell, it is my money. I don’t have a whole lot of said money. I need to spend it wisely and have things done well when I chose to hire a professional for certain tasks.

At this point, I honestly think I could have risked it and tried this stuff myself. With the exception of hanging the heavy medicine cabinet, I probably could have handled it. I need to learn to be more confident in my abilities. I’ve become quite handy with my collection of drill bits and wall anchors. And my electric box is clearly labeled now so I know I’d be shutting the power off in the right places if I did the electric work. I even have a tester to make double-sure. My problem is I am still afraid of electricity anyway. I need to get over it.

So, tomorrow, all of this should be resolved. I think.

Yuck. On top of it all, I feel like ass. Out of the blue, I got a raging sore throat this afternoon as I sat at my desk. It didn’t go away, and the pain spread to my left ear. The pressure in my ear is annoying as hell, and the sore throat makes it tough to swallow (well, duh… of course it does, Self). No, this is not a good time to get sick. Come on, immune system. Do your magic and make me feel better in the morning, pleaseplease, please. I have a very busy weekend ahead of me, and need to be physically strong for all of it. Also, I don’t have very much sick time built up so staying home tomorrow will make me cringe if I have to do it.

OK. Rant over.

Because there are awesome things going on, too. I’ve submitted my short story to a prestigious writing contest, because why the hell not? I’ve been writing a lot on my book this week, too. I’m completely caught up at work, and in fact I’m ahead. I’m thisclose to having that “bank” of backup articles to use in case something else falls through. It’s really cool.

My sister and BIL will soon be living in a sweet-ass new place. Soon, meaning, this weekend. I won’t get into it much because I think she’d rather be the one to talk about this, and I don’t want to steal her news. But I have to say something, because this is all just another thing that is going GREAT right now and I am so very excited.

I get my backyard done next week. All the weeds will be gone, the yard leveled out; a sprinkler system added, and 500 square feet of sod planted with concrete pavers around it; four trees will be planted, and 8 bushes/plants (including my favorite, lantanas, and a snail vine on one of the block walls) will be added, too. And then… gravel. 3/8″ granite in “Apache Brown.”

And yes… none of this is cheap. It’s going to cost me. But the thing is, I love being outside. And my yard right now is just so ugly, dirty and plain. No trees, and only four plants (two of which are my sad little bourganvilleas that just haven’t taken off yet). The yard has to be done sometime. It really does. It will add a lot of value to the house in the long run, too… besides making it beautiful while I live here. I don’t feel bad about spending this money, really. I can’t wait to see my new yard, I really can’t! It’s going to look so neat, clean and polished. Squeeee!

I’ve got my Halloween costume preparations well underway now. I finally procured a necessary component today through an eBay auction. I don’t feel like giving away my costume, though. I want to keep it a surprise. I’m not being something witty, or funny this year. Instead, I am going for the truly creepy. I know I’m very creeped out by this particular thing. I can’t wait to see who I can scare when we have our party on 10/30. Hee hee heeeeeee. I’ll post a picture afterwards.

Simon is walking around with a wee little almost-bald patch on his right hip. I have been methodically cutting away a stubborn mat there with my manicure scissors, which are the only ones that don’t make him terrified when I pick them up. His hair is all chopped up and pieces are sticking up all ugly. It makes me laugh every time I pet him. I’m not sure why it’s so funny. It just is.

I might do a purple bedroom instead of the gray bedroom I’d been planning. Reason? I’m not sure I can find two shades of gray that will go with my carpet’s color. But a pale mauve-y purple on three walls, with a darker amethyst on the accent wall just might look kick-ass. I do love purple rooms. Hmm.

And I am probably painting my bathroom pink.

Pale, pale pink. The color is a Behr color called Mystic Fairy, for crying out loud!

Let there be no doubt in anyone’s mind: A GIRL LIVES HERE.



3 responses »

  1. Rock on girlie! There is absolutely no reason to accept shoddy work from a contractor. Get what you paid for or give ’em hell!!!

  2. Well, the first half had me channeling that cartoon-character reaction. You know the one. The one where whatever cartoon gets mad, stomps his/her foot and begins to turn red while screaming “Oooooooh!”.

    But the rest is better. I like your ideas for color schemes and lawn stuff! Have fun with that! Enjoy! and, YAY! WRITING CONTEST!

    Hope I haven’t been annoying you with those other writing contest things I’ve been emailing you.

  3. I hope everything gets done and fixed like you want it. It sucks because you liked them so much the first time and then to have a bad second experience. Hopefully your lawn goes much more smoothly.

    I LOVE purple bedrooms. I think they are very soothing. And our cousin did her bathroom in pale pink with black and white square tiles and it looks awesome. Very retro! 🙂

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