Head in a little cage

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Yesterday, quite unexpectedly, I had my MRI/MRA. I had been waiting for the insurance authorization to go through, and it did. I got a call yesterday morning from the imaging place to make the appointment… when I finally had a chance to call back after lunch, they told me they had an opening at 2:00. Since my boss had told me earlier in the day that if I wanted to “just take off for the afternoon,” I could (I’ll explain in a second), I decided to just take the appointment and go do the damn test already.

So I did, and it wasn’t bad. I was the only person in the whole place. The tech woman who did the test was a nice, older woman, and I filled out the paperwork and talked to her for a couple of minutes (questions like, “Have you ever had any metal in your eyes?” and I wanted to be a joker and say something like, “My eyes are MADE of metal, will that be a problem?” or when she asked if I had any metal in my body anywhere, I wanted to do the metal devilhorns; but instead, I was polite and kept my adult-face on), I took jewelry and my bra off, and I went in and had the MRI.

The last time I had an MRI, it was in 1993 for my spine and I recall the tube they slide you into as being really claustrophobic. I kind of braced myself for the same thing yesterday, but it turns out I didn’t have to worry. The machine was kind of open on the sides, and I could see windows in my peripheral vision. It made a huge difference. The thing that made me kind of giggle was when she put this plastic cage-thing down over my face once my head was secure on the little platform-thingie on the table… which means, I was lying on it and she put little pads next to my temples to keep my head still. It looked kind of like a catcher’s mask or something and I was oddly amused by my head being locked in a little cage. Maybe I’m weird. I just thought how funny it would be if there was a fire and I had to jump up and try to get my head outta the little cage to run out of the building. Maybe I’d have to snap it off the machine/table and run outside with the cage still on my head. Why do I think about stuff like that?

Anyway, it wasn’t bad and I was done with everything in an hour. She gave me a CD with the images on it, which I want to try to look at on my computer, even though I’m pretty sure I won’t have the software to open the files, but still. They’re sending results to my doctor today, and on Wednesday I have my appointment with him when he’ll tell me what’s goin’ down in my brain. If anything.

So, there you have it: I faced the fear of finding out what my brain might/might not have hiding inside of it, and by Wednesday night I’ll know, once and for all, if I have blood vessel weaknesses or not. It’ll be good to finally know, I guess. Doesn’t mean I’m not still scared. But, whatever. I’ll deal with whatever happens, one way or another. It can’t be that terrible, right?

Regarding yesterday: I had my annual performance review, and for the first time in my life, I had a cumulative score that was less than good. I was scored “0” on some of the behaviors and they didn’t give me the “meets deadlines” goal, which had a weight of 45% of my total score, so that brought me waaaaaay down. Well, whatever. I already knew they were gonna do that, and I also knew that my 60-day performance-thing was what really matters this year. And I am doing very well on that. In fact, one of my bosses said she thought I was exceeding her expectations by this point. Nice. Yeah, I’m good at this. So, overall, the review wasn’t bad, but it was still a little hard to hear a little about my past ‘mistakes’ for lack of a better word… my past ‘piss-poor attitudes’ is more accurate, but whatever… in preparation for the review, one of the bosses had initially said, “Look, if you need to take the rest of the day to yourself, feel free,” thinking I would be so upset from receiving the low scores. It turned out, though, after the review, she told me that she thought I should take off the rest of the day “for yourself; you did a lot of work to reach this point and you should be proud of yourself.” Whoa, right? This from someone who seemed to legitimately hate me just a few months ago? Well, OK.

Then we had our annual year-end company lunch (end of fiscal year), where the CEO announced that our original salaries are finally being restored as of 9/1. (We’d initially taken a 10% pay cut, then they gave us back 5%, and now we get the remaining 5%… thank God, it’s been a year and a half of this.) I have to wait until my 60 days are up, and then I get my 5% back, but that’s fine. It’s fantastic news! What a relief.

So, it was a good day, overall. Busy, and with my head snapped into a little cage for 40 minutes, but a good day nonetheless.

Well, off to work for the day. Wish I had a plastic cage to wear on my face as I sit at my desk. People would ask me about it and I’d go, “What cage? There’s something on my face?” and generally be an asshole about it. Then I would ask my friends to throw stuff at my head so it could bounce off. “See, if you threw that stapler at my face on a normal day, I’d get hit with a stapler in my face… but today? I’m wearing the cage and I’m safe, motherfucka!” Play ball!

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4 responses »

  1. Well… it was a productive day, anyway. And I bet you can work that “head in a cage/escape” musing into your book in some way. 😉

  2. Yay for money! And, um, medical stuff. Not that you had to do the medical stuff, but that you finally got the medical stuff done. Or something. I’m not making sense today.

  3. I am holding my breath for the after 60 days review. The performance review, like you said, doesn’t mean as much since it reflects things before. It seems like they finally are realizing how valuable you are and that is great!

    I have had three MRIs in the last 8 months and I don’t mind them as much as I used to. The newer machines with the openings are better for my claustrophobia. I have a hard time staying still. I always get the urge to itch or twitch as soon as they tell me not to move. 🙂

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