I’ve spent the last few days attempting to make changes that will help me move past this funk, and into a more awesome time again. So far, it’s been tentatively successful. I’ve only made small changes, but one thing at a time, right?
I talked with HR and then my boss on Wednesday, and it went pretty well. My boss was glad to know that it wasn’t just me being lazy all of the sudden, or something: she said now that she knows more about what’s going on with me, that a lot of things from the past month or so make more sense now. My “glum expression” when sitting in meetings was one that kind of surprised me. I think I’m fooling myself, but I really did think I was doing a good job of hiding my issues when I was in public places and at meetings. Guess not.
Either way, to make a long story short, we came up with a plan to help me out. I admitted to her how hard it is for me to admit that I can’t handle part of my workload right now, and she seemed to understand that feeling. She’s someone who never wants to look weak, EVER. (She’s a super-disciplined yoga instructor when she isn’t at this job– I’ve never met anyone like her; she’s like my polar opposite!) Anyway, we figured out a way to get some of my workload handled by a freelancer for one issue so that I can get myself back on schedule now. It’s true that I was just looking at what felt to me like a massive pile of assignments that I was starting to think I’d drown under. I didn’t want to NOT take on an article when we were sitting in editorial meetings. But I took on too many. Lesson learned: seriously, only take what you KNOW you CAN do. Not what you WANT to do. Having the intention to do the work, and then actually doing the work, are two very different things.
The next day, I spent a couple of hours cleaning up my desk. I had about three huge piles of unfiled papers that took up half of my desk. I went through each pile and threw 90% of what was there into the recycling bin. I filed the rest. It felt good to do this and even better to look around at my desk and not be staring at mountains of clutter that made me depressed to look at. I also re-arranged where a lot of my things are, so it’s visually different. I cleaned everything thoroughly, and when I sat down to get to work, it already felt a LOT better. Having blank space and clean work surfaces truly does make a difference. I’m going to keep it this way.
I threw away my big to-do list, and instead I am making one for each day only. It’s a little thing, but maybe having a smaller list to look at everyday will make it seem more do-able. I had seven things on my list for Friday, and I accomplished five of them!
Outside of work, I decided to make a little bit more effort than I’d planned to and make some cupcakes to bring to my sister’s craft fair yesterday. I got the supplies on my lunch hour on Friday, and baked them that night after hanging out with my sister for a few hours– she actually helped with the baking part. (The only thing that sucked was that I took them out when they were a little underbaked, and a couple of hours later I knew I had to put them back in the oven or have a really gross mess on my hands if I tried to frost them in that under-developed state. So I did re-bake them, which I’ve never done before, and I think they got a little dried out for my taste, but at least they were DONE.) I finished them yesterday morning and brought them over to the sale, where I sold $4.00 worth of cupcakes. (I charged 50 cents a cupcake, and gave about a third of them away for free.) I felt like a kid with a lemonade stand or something! But it was fun and just a little outside my comfort zone to be sitting with this group of VERY talented artists for four hours. Seriously, their stuff was amazing! It was a shame because we didn’t get that many people to come out for the event, but it was still nice.
Last night I felt like crap, unfortunately. Sore throat and then congestion set in. Yuck. But I made myself get up and go to Trader Joe’s (I never go there because it’s not my thing), because it’s right around the corner and I knew they had good salads there– I bought a ready-made salad and came home and ate it while watching another episode of Fringe as I try to catch up to what is currently airing each week. I do love that show. It just gets better and better!
And then I spent the next few hours unpacking and cleaning up the place. It was starting to look ugly around here. I put away as much as I could, meaning all of my linens are unpacked and things are stored where they are going to be kept. Today I need to vacuum and mop the floors, and clean the bathrooms. I don’t want to do it, because I woke up feeling even worse than I did last night, but I’m not going to let it stop me from getting things done today.
Plus, I want to finish that article, for God’s sake. Because I’m remembering what my Dad said earlier this week about putting work first right now because I NEED TO, that’s what I’m going to do. I’m not going to see Zombieland today even thought I WOULD LOVE TO GO! and I’m not going to the pumpkin-carving party… I’m being serious about what I need to do. Discipline means sacrifice sometimes and today it’s my social life that’s taking the hit. (Oooh, like it’s so hard for me to NOT go to things I’m invited to! But still, even though doing stuff with people isn’t really my thing anyway, it doesn’t mean I don’t feel like doing it today. Because I actually wouldn’t mind going out right now.)
At least in a lot of ways, the boat is starting to turn in the right direction, and that is nothing short of great. Now I have to get going so I can dig through my boxes some more and find my nail clippers and files. I have to do these damn nails today, too.
Here’s to a nice Sunday.