My sister sent me this on Facebook last night, and I have been cracking up about it ever since. It put me in such a good mood! Now, I don’t know what that says about my level of intellect (when you see this you’ll know what I mean), but I don’t give a hoot. (And, I might add: I don’t pollute either!)
Please to enjoy: MEOW MIX. Get ready to have the most insane tune stuck in your head for the rest of your week!
Isn’t that awesome?! Well, I love it, so FUCK YOU! 🙂
Let’s talk about pets. OK, so, Hurley is gross. He’s gonna make me sick with his latest obsession. Maybe this admission makes me seem like a total hillperson, living down and dirty amongst the animals, but I let him do it a few times because it made me laugh so hard. I allowed my sweet little dog to… lick my armpit.
It’s summer. I’m wearing tank tops and camisoles all the time around the house. And when I lay down on my back, he always sits right next to me with his face resting on my chest or top of my arm, and I wrap my arm around so I can pet his back. It’s nice. But a couple months ago, he got goofy and began licking me silly one day and hit on the armpit. I should have smacked his adorable little face right then and there to stop the madness before it had a chance to begin, but like I said: it was so hilarious and it tickled, and so I was just laughing so hard I was almost crying.
And so, ever since then, he will go for my armpit any chance he gets. I don’t let him in there, though. I keep my arm down so all he can do is lick that little spot where my arm, shoulder and torso meet. But this is more than enough to be weird as hell anyway. I mean, come on. What in God’s name could be so tasty about a (GAG) armpit?!
W H Y must I be tortured with a dog so cute and yet so strange?
(…oh, right. It’s because I adopted him and I love him to death. That’s why.)
This morning was really bad. I was sleeping and the little bastard woke me up with a sudden attack on my unprotected armpit. Man, I just flew out of the bed. I didn’t know what the hell had happened in my stupified state. And he was just sittin’ there on the bed, tail wagging and face smiling. “Oh, HAI. I can has armpit?”
Bleh. I love him, but… I kind of wish he would go back to his habit of nibbling on the arch of my foot. (He basically sits with a paw holding my ankle in place, and uses his tiny front teeth to scrape/bite on the skin that’s on the arch. Sometimes he goes for my big toe, too. But since I started painting my toenails, he’s not as interested in this weird habit anymore. Maybe I need to start putting a little blotch of nail polish on that skin near my armpit?)
Seriously though, I can’t imagine a more affectionate dog. He’s just too much. Literally, as you can see. But I love just grabbing him up in a flurry of fur and squeezing him and kissing that little Sheltie head. He makes me so damn happy.
And Simon is great too, if not a little bit of a brat today. This morning he was batting me away and biting me if I tried to pet him. I know he was in playing mode with Hurley from the time I woke up, though, so I think he just wasn’t in the mood to be sweet. Still, I was bummed I didn’t get my usual Simon meows and purrs before heading off to work this morning. Maybe he’s just in that teenager stage where he’s too cool for his Mom or something.
Remember my laptop table, DAVE? He enjoys DAVE. Quite a bit.
This is what DAVE looks like.
It’s in the corner of my bedroom right now, and I had to move it away from the window because Simon would sit on DAVE and bat violently at the string from the blinds. When I saw him putting his head through the loop, visions of him strangling himself scared me so much I moved DAVE so now it’s up against my bed, hovering over the side I don’t sleep on.
Simon has slept on DAVE for the past two nights. And when he wakes up, he finds it entertaining to spin around really fast, chasing his tail almost, on DAVE’s surface. This makes the table wobble back and forth because of the way it’s built. And this wobbling sound wakes me up from a dead sleep and makes me want to throw heavy objects at Simon and DAVE both. Yeah… Simon’s discovered how fuckin’ fun it can be to go wild when Mom’s trying to sleep. I was so happy and proud of how well-behaved he used to be during the night! Now, nothing’s more fun that playing teeter-totter on DAVE, knocking shit off my dresser, or flying madly across my sleeping body so claws get me through the sheet. God DAMN. Well, maybe he’ll outgrow this rebellious, DAVE-obsessed stage. I hope so!
Because he is getting so big, and so gorgeous and adorable. I’m nuts about him. So is Hurley. Overall, I feel really blessed with some fun, sweet and cute pets. I’m not *really* complaining about their weirdness. Know what I mean? It’s just as a pet owner, I can’t help but share the oddball stuff because it amuses me.
I began packing yesterday, and when I was getting ready to close up and tape a box of towels up, Simon came flying into the box. Literally. He jumped from the futon and WHOOSH… landed right in the box, on top of the towels. He hunkered down and seemed like he was going to curl up and go to sleep, very quickly. I lifted him out of there and went ahead and sealed the box. But…today…I’m kind of wishing I had taped him inside there for just a minute. Why would I do that? I don’t know. It would be funny. And then I’d let him out and maybe he would never, ever want to jump into someone’s moving boxes again.
Incidentally, this is also how I plan to raise any children I might have. Add just a wee little touch of psychological torture in there to make them learn that doing certain things is bad. And if taping my kids up inside a moving box for a minute or two is what will get the job done… so be it.
(Oh, these little Aryan children may be smiling NOW… but here comes Mr. Tape Gun!)