Just when I think it’s all going to be OK… (DUMDUMDUUUUUM)
The realtor called me this morning just as I was leaving for work. She asked if I had the key to the house, because this guy Mike is over there right now trying to get in and the key isn’t in the lockbox. So I told her that yeah, I had the key. She said I had to get over to the house right away and put the key back in the lockbox because not only does Mike need to get in, but so does John, the termite inspector.
What’s going on? Well, the lender doesn’t want to fund the mortgage because there is something on the original termite inspection report AND the home inspection report that they will no longer accept. Mike is the assistant for the home inspector, so he was sent out to the house today to document the ‘problems’ and determine what we needed to do.
The problems are INSANELY STUPID. One: they are saying that because there were past leaks under the sinks in the kitchen and bathrooms, the cabinets, floors and plumbing need to be repaired accordingly.
Mind you– part of my FHA 203k renovation loan is supposed to be designated to renovating the frickin’ kitchen and bathrooms, replacing all sinks, cabinets, plumbing and even flooring in the bathrooms.
The paperwork the lender is looking at says that no…the only thing the renovation loan is doing is going towards renovating the kitchen and tearing down the rotten pergola off the back of the house!
Nooooo. That is not all that is being done, and besides– I specifically told the contractor and my FHA consultant Kathy to take the tear-down of the pergola OFF of the list of expenses because I can do that myself. Trust me, it’s not going to be hard to remove a few screws and pile up the old wood as it waits to be taken away by the haul-away crew I am going to be paying for.
So someone’s got the wrong documents somewhere. There is no reason to make repairs to shitty-ass plywood cabinets and old pipes that are going to be torn out anyway. The lending company needs to have the CORRECT list of renovations. I have lost track as to whose job that would be to make sure the correct list is in their hands, but…ARGH. I can’t even think about it any more right this minute or my brain really will melt.
The other problem is the lending company says they can’t fund a mortgage for a house that has had an “incomplete” termite inspection. What? Um, I was pretty sure I witnessed, paid for and got the results for the termite inspection I did in June. Well, yeah, but… on the report, the guy put that part of the stem of the home’s foundation was “inaccessible” at the time of the inspection. The part that was inaccessible is a 6′ part of the house where the previous owner had poured a concrete slab (probably to be a foundation for a little shed) right up against the house. The lender is saying that because the inspector couldn’t look at that 6′ of stem during the initial inspection, there is a chance that termites could be right there.
And no, not likely. Why? THE HOUSE IS BRICK. The stem is concrete. This isn’t a stucco house with a wood frame. Termites aren’t known for infesting concrete and bricks.
So there is a possibility that we will need to jackhammer away that concrete slab, or take 4″ out so that they have 4″ to inspect the fucking CONCRETE foundation stem that will not have termites, anyway.
By this same logic, any concrete that butts right up against the house would need to be jackhammered out 4″ from the wall. So wouldn’t that mean the entire back patio would need to be ripped up, too? And how fucking retarded would THAT BE? Like houses don’t always have patios that are poured right up to the house??!!
The lack of logic and common sense here is STAGGERING.
And of course, this guy Mike says that he needs the water turned on so they can check and sign off on the plumbing stuff. The bank turned off all utilities to the house on Monday, because they probably thought I was going to taking possession of it by then and switching the utilities into my own name. Like I was thinking, too. But that didn’t happen, so now we need to get the bank to turn the utilities back ON so they can do what they need to do.
I will not pay to turn the utilities on right now myself. No way. Apparently it is not my house at the moment, so…why would I?
As of right now, I know nothing. I will probably get some kind of update on what the deal is with this, but… when? I don’t know. Mike mentioned the termite guy wouldn’t be able to get back to the house before “tonight” anyway.
And I will apparently have to pay for ANOTHER termite inspection. I don’t want to and don’t think I should have to!! I’ll just refuse. I say the lender needs to pay for it. Hey, if they are the ones constantly changing and updating their stringent guidelines for funding, that’s their problem. Especially since I SIGNED EVERYTHING ON THURSDAY of last week. At that time, this was not an issue. So I feel I am legally not obligated to pay for SHIT right now.
The bottom line is: if these things are not addressed…the leaks, the termite inspection thing… the bank will not fund the mortgage.
And that will be that. And that will also be the point when I drive my car straight into the lobby of the lender and shoot down everyone behind a desk with an illegally-obtained AK-47.
I have to laugh because, WOW. It literally is something new every day with this shit. I have never heard of someone having this much trouble buying a house, and I do sort of wish I could just walk away right now and go rent something and be done with it, for real this time.
Honestly, this is starting to feel like a hidden camera show or something!