And the hits just keep on comin’!


Just when I think it’s all going to be OK… (DUMDUMDUUUUUM)

The realtor called me this morning just as I was leaving for work. She asked if I had the key to the house, because this guy Mike is over there right now trying to get in and the key isn’t in the lockbox. So I told her that yeah, I had the key. She said I had to get over to the house right away and put the key back in the lockbox because not only does Mike need to get in, but so does John, the termite inspector.

What’s going on? Well, the lender doesn’t want to fund the mortgage because there is something on the original termite inspection report AND the home inspection report that they will no longer accept. Mike is the assistant for the home inspector, so he was sent out to the house today to document the ‘problems’ and determine what we needed to do.

The problems are INSANELY STUPID. One: they are saying that because there were past leaks under the sinks in the kitchen and bathrooms, the cabinets, floors and plumbing need to be repaired accordingly.

Mind you– part of my FHA 203k renovation loan is supposed to be designated to renovating the frickin’ kitchen and bathrooms, replacing all sinks, cabinets, plumbing and even flooring in the bathrooms.

The paperwork the lender is looking at says that no…the only thing the renovation loan is doing is going towards renovating the kitchen and tearing down the rotten pergola off the back of the house!

Nooooo. That is not all that is being done, and besides– I specifically told the contractor and my FHA consultant Kathy to take the tear-down of the pergola OFF of the list of expenses because I can do that myself. Trust me, it’s not going to be hard to remove a few screws and pile up the old wood as it waits to be taken away by the haul-away crew I am going to be paying for.

So someone’s got the wrong documents somewhere. There is no reason to make repairs to shitty-ass plywood cabinets and old pipes that are going to be torn out anyway. The lending company needs to have the CORRECT list of renovations. I have lost track as to whose job that would be to make sure the correct list is in their hands, but…ARGH. I can’t even think about it any more right this minute or my brain really will melt.

The other problem is the lending company says they can’t fund a mortgage for a house that has had an “incomplete” termite inspection. What? Um, I was pretty sure I witnessed, paid for and got the results for the termite inspection I did in June. Well, yeah, but… on the report, the guy put that part of the stem of the home’s foundation was “inaccessible” at the time of the inspection. The part that was inaccessible is a 6′ part of the house where the previous owner had poured a concrete slab (probably to be a foundation for a little shed) right up against the house. The lender is saying that because the inspector couldn’t look at that 6′ of stem during the initial inspection, there is a chance that termites could be right there.

And no, not likely. Why? THE HOUSE IS BRICK. The stem is concrete. This isn’t a stucco house with a wood frame. Termites aren’t known for infesting concrete and bricks.

So there is a possibility that we will need to jackhammer away that concrete slab, or take 4″ out so that they have 4″ to inspect the fucking CONCRETE foundation stem that will not have termites, anyway.

By this same logic, any concrete that butts right up against the house would need to be jackhammered out 4″ from the wall. So wouldn’t that mean the entire back patio would need to be ripped up, too? And how fucking retarded would THAT BE? Like houses don’t always have patios that are poured right up to the house??!!

The lack of logic and common sense here is STAGGERING.

And of course, this guy Mike says that he needs the water turned on so they can check and sign off on the plumbing stuff. The bank turned off all utilities to the house on Monday, because they probably thought I was going to taking possession of it by then and switching the utilities into my own name. Like I was thinking, too. But that didn’t happen, so now we need to get the bank to turn the utilities back ON so they can do what they need to do.

I will not pay to turn the utilities on right now myself. No way. Apparently it is not my house at the moment, so…why would I?

As of right now, I know nothing. I will probably get some kind of update on what the deal is with this, but… when? I don’t know. Mike mentioned the termite guy wouldn’t be able to get back to the house before “tonight” anyway.

And I will apparently have to pay for ANOTHER termite inspection. I don’t want to and don’t think I should have to!! I’ll just refuse. I say the lender needs to pay for it. Hey, if they are the ones constantly changing and updating their stringent guidelines for funding, that’s their problem. Especially since I SIGNED EVERYTHING ON THURSDAY of last week. At that time, this was not an issue. So I feel I am legally not obligated to pay for SHIT right now.

The bottom line is: if these things are not addressed…the leaks, the termite inspection thing… the bank will not fund the mortgage.

And that will be that. And that will also be the point when I drive my car straight into the lobby of the lender and shoot down everyone behind a desk with an illegally-obtained AK-47.

I have to laugh because, WOW. It literally is something new every day with this shit. I have never heard of someone having this much trouble buying a house, and I do sort of wish I could just walk away right now and go rent something and be done with it, for real this time.

Honestly, this is starting to feel like a hidden camera show or something!


10 responses »

  1. And yet, as my husband pointed out just today, any idiot illegal immigrant from Mexico who comes to this country with their entire life’s savings of $25K can go plunk it down as a downpayment on a house and actually BUY THAT HOUSE WHEN THEY ARE HERE ILLEGALLY, and then LIVE IT IT ILLEGALLY, not to mention relocate all of their illegal immigrant friends and relatives into it, as well!

    I kid you not, it just happened on my parents’ street. The street I grew up on, where other than a transient family renting a house once when I was a kid, no-one of legal or illegal Hispanic descent has ever resided.

  2. How does a IDIOT ILLEGAL IMMIGRANT get a mortgage, may I ask?

    Just curious.

  3. Oh… right.. .Lisa… almost forgot to comment to you. Anyway, holy macaroni, what the flug is going on here? I have never in my life seen anything so absurd and never ending in my life. It is almost like you’re writing a good story but well, sadly, you are not. I wouldn’t even know where to begin on this one. Not that you need me to go into anything but I really am, wow, um, speechless.

    Do you want to live with me? I need a roommate. 🙂 (Trying to make you at least snicker a little at the absurdity of life.)

    I am still rooting for you…. really….

  4. I don’t know if this is what’s happening in Shades’s neighborhood, but over here a lot of illegals try to rent apartments using the social security numbers of recently deceased people. I know that sometimes it will come up as “ALERT: APPLICANT DECEASED”. It’s happened to me twice since I have been on this property, and at a sister property of mine they found THREE “deceased” occupants while they were auditing their files!!!!! WTF???

  5. That and they also have a tendency to SHARE one SSN for the entire family. My sister’s former husband was an illegal immigrant whose family did just that. And when I was waitressing and the INS was coming through town- all of our kitchen staff would just suddenly vanish.

  6. I know way more than I ever wanted about how the illegal immigrant thing works. Right up to the “no, we’re not here illegally, no I’m not marrying your daughter just for the access to a green card…” lie. I mean, why, exactly is it that he could not speak, read or write English and yet the teachers at the high school kept passing him because they felt sorry for him? He couldn’t even pass the high school exit exam, and somebody finally let him slide on that one, too. And then when he became a violent, abusive, manic-depressive little shit that stalked her after she left him and did things like put sugar in her gas tank and she followed through by filing for divorce before he could get his precious green card, he just went and impregnated and then married and got his green card from an even younger white girl. The daughter of a woman who, ironically, babysat us when WE were kids…

  7. Well, see, I know a lot about the illegal immigrant issue as well. My question to you wasn’t about whether I am “for” or “against” the issue; it was more asking how could these people buy homes when they are piss poor and do not have LEGAL access to SSN’s. I never did get an answer.

    What you and T said is right that they do use fake identities to get apartments and jobs but it is very hard to get a mortgage. I used to work in the business, remember? We had one woman try to get a house and she was denied because all of her paperwork did not match up. Can these people slip through the cracks? Sure they can but so can anyone who is dealing with idiotic people like the one that L is dealing with. Idiots are everywhere, making mistakes left and right. That’s why our country is in such chaos because we let the power into the wrong, greedy hands and everyone was able to get mortgages. Overall, an illegal immigrant, whether they are Mexican, Polish, or Transylvanian cannot buy a house for a few reasons. First of all, if one of those people had $25K, they would not be using it to buy a house. In fact, they either wouldn’t be here in the US at all or they would be sending that money to their families back home. $25K can buy A LOT of things back in their home countries. I don’t know anyone who is illegal who has that kind of money and is looking to illegally buy a home. Why? Because they would risk so much and get caught doing it and lose all of their money and get deported too boot. Second, most of those people live under the radar. They work off the books, they don’t have bank accounts and they basically work, eat, sleep and send money back to their families. They are not looking to buy cars, houses, and travel the world. They don’t have the same mindset that we, as Americans, do. And finally, most of them don’t plan on being here long enough to buy a house, maintain a house, pay a mortgage and taxes, and utilities, etc. It goes back to what I said about them having different priorities. It just doesn’t add up.

    I don’t think you can generalize one race of people by one person you know who was, in plain English, an asshole. You speak as if they ALL are out for one thing. Maybe he was out for one thing but why call people names and speak so hatefully about them. I am not saying you can’t hate him for what he did to your sister. I mean, I had some pretty bad experiences with a black ex-coworker or mine who called me “Saltine” and “Cracker” and “rich white girl” and while I think to this day she’s a piece of crap, I would never generalize her or her race because supposedly all black people do this or that. That’s not fair.

    Now, I am not trying to debate this and go back and forth on poor L’s blog but I have to ask- other than your sister’s ex and the people in the kitchen who you used to work with, what FACTS do you know about immigration? I am not talking about xenophobic opinions, I am talking like actual facts that one would learn from, say an immigration attorney or an actual immigrant who is here illegally. Do you know why they are here illegally and how the laws changed in 2003 and basically fucked them from ever coming into this country “the right way”? Everyone always talks about how these people are here the wrong way yet no one can actually give me a reason as to why what they’re doing is any different than what my grandparents and your grandparents did back then. The only reason they are all here “the wrong way” is unless they don’t have the money, the know how, or the status (student, worker, etc) to be here….. they are here trying to survive like you and I. This is a FACT. It is not my opinion because, guess what, I am on your side believe it or not. I don’t think anyone, American or non-American, should work the system while people like myself struggle to pay my bills and survive. No one blames the government and the employers of these people who allow it to happen; it’s so much easier to blame the dark skinned foreigner who is just trying to make a buck. And I have worked with plenty of stupid, ignorant Mexican men to become intolerant but I am not going to go there because who am I to judge? I don’t know their story or why they are here.

    I didn’t marry Nestor to get a precious green card; I married him because I love him and he deserves a chance to have a life and have options. And I think everyone who is a a law abiding human being deserves to have that as well. When you don’t have the option do survive legally, guess what option B is? Illegals have no options, whether they are in their country or in ours. Now, what Nestor chooses to do with those options are not up to me anymore, they are up to him. And what the illegal people do with their life is not up to me. I can only be responsible for myself and doing the right thing and be proud that I am American and don’t have to fight to survive like so many people around the world have to fight.

  8. I also forgot to say that while this has been going on WAY before 2003 (when the laws changed as far as how you can enter the country via a tourist visa and then be able to overstay your welcome), it seems to be this hot button issue with people saying that illegals should go home. This has been going on for years and year so why, all of a sudden, is it such a huge deal? Sorry, I wasn’t clear on that.

  9. Whoa. Lisa, all I can think is WHAT. THE. FUCK. Seriously, my head totally asploded from all the stupidity coming from these so-called professionals. Don’t throw any more money at these fucktards until they get their shit together. Unfortunately, it has now become YOUR job to make sure all these people do THEIR jobs.

  10. LIsa- Are you filming a movie or TV Show? Because this kind of stuff only happens in those situations, right? No one in real life would make your life miserable by being such major idiots. I can’t not believe this! And they say they want people to buy houses and help us get out of this economic hole we are in. Well, if they do this to every buyer it is no wonder no one is buying! I don’t know whether to laugh or cry at all of this. And I am with you. DO NOT PAY for anything else! This is all their foul up, they should have to pay. I just hope they don’t come back and say, we’ll we can’t figure tihs out go find another house. Then, lenders’ office with AK47, I’ll be right there with you if you want backup.

    As for the comments, I am not sure how this post started this line of conversation but Naynay’s points are very true. It seems so easy to lump an entire race into a category because of a few bad examples we have experienced. But that is not fair to those who work hard and are trying to become legal and are thwarted by a legal system that does not work in their favor. A coworker of mine who came here from Haiti just got his American citizenship after 15 years of trying. Do I think it is fair that people who come here illegally seem to get better health care, schooling and etc. than myself? No. But that is the government’s fault for not regulating those services. Some people know how to work the system and take advantage. It’s the system that needs fixing.

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