This morning, everyone in my company received an email from the CEO, explaining that despite the 10% salary cut we instituted in January and the various other cuts we have made in all areas of the business, there was no choice but to reduce staff.
It’s such a bummer. Mostly everyone likes working here, and we had really all pulled together to cut out as much as we could. I know everyone tried their best. And it’s still not enough.
They’re giving us the option of choosing to be let go; the “reward”, if you can call it that, is a larger severance package. They are giving people until Thursday of this week to take this option. If enough people do it, then they won’t have to resort to involuntary layoffs…for now. So at the moment, most of us are really crossing our fingers that anyone who can afford to take the voluntary offer will do it. We all know of a few people who might not need the job as much as others (there are a few who have openly bragged about this very thing), so we’re all looking squarely at them right now to do the right thing and maybe save the jobs of other people who really DO need to stay working. Working just to have “extra spending money” or “because being retired was boring” just make them look greedy. And if you’re bored as a retiree, go do some volunteer work or something.
Needless to say, today’s a gloomy day around the office. It’s not a good way to start a week, that’s for sure.
As for me, I let myself get stressed about it at lunch today with R, and now I am just venting it out and reporting the facts for posterity’s sake. I feel like if I am meant to be laid off, I will be laid off. There isn’t very much I can do about it at this point. I’ve done everything I can to be useful and enthusiastic in my job over the past few months, so I have done my best. I know that hard work and dedication is NOT always rewarded…the first time I was laid off, I was chosen because I’d written the fewest number of words in the last published issue of the magazine; and no consideration was made that the reason for that was because it was almost entirely written by doctors and nurses, unlike the other magazines in our group. This was even after I had doubled up my own workload by researching and launching my OWN MAGAZINE on top of doing my current job. But none of that mattered in the end. They had to find a way to throw the dart to see who’d get kicked out, and word count it was. So yeah, I’ve been there in knowing how unfairly some of these decisions can be made in the corporate world.
And because I’ve been there, I know I will be OK.
I’d almost have to laugh if I did get laid off. No, scratch that: I WOULD laugh! Because it would be in keeping with all the weird other bad luck things I’ve had this year. If I lost my job, I’d also lose any chance of securing that mortgage that’s been sitting around waiting for me for about 4 months now. So that would mean no house for me. I’d be back to renting, and it would be an apartment somewhere.
Whatever. I can take it. I really can. It’s not like going through the divorce. It’s not like having a health crisis or dealing with grief over losing someone I love. A job is a job. They come and go, and it doesn’t matter all that much in the end. You do what you have to do, and I know I am definitely not too proud to take a job at a fast food restaurant if it came down to it. I’d make sacrifices, cut things out that I don’t really need (like cable). I don’t know where this Rosie the Riveter attitude is coming from, but I’ll take it at the moment.
Still no news on the house, by the way. And I haven’t gotten a call for a second interview for my other thing that’s going on…which is not totally unexpected, given the fact that the competition is INCREDIBLY fierce for this thing.
At least Star Trek was fun.
And I have three books I want to read all at once. One is the Michael Ian Black book my sister lent me, “My Custom Van.” It promises to make me laugh my ass off. So that’s cool!
I’ve also decided that yes, I want to go back to a gym.
Since I stopped having a gym membership, my weight has steadily climbed. I’d thought I’d hike and ride my bike so much that all the weight would just fall off of me. Turns out: No. It’s been too easy to blow those two things off for the sake of convenience.
I realize that I do best with a set place to go to; a place that serves one function. I like the focus I am forced to put on myself and my health when I step into the gym. I don’t waste my time when I go. In fact, I’m guilty of overdoing it sometimes because I get so overzealous. I do believe I miss the gym and I want to join one.
My dilemma is that I don’t know if I can right now. For two reasons. One, I want to go to a gym close to my home. But until I know where I am going to be living, it’s making it hard to choose. I could go to the gym near my job, but seriously…that place is PACKED all the time and I don’t like the vibe for some reason. So until I know for sure where I’ll be, I don’t want to sign any contracts locking me into a specific gym. (Some contracts let you go to any gym in their company, but I’ve been looking into it and it’s either more expensive per month or their locations just aren’t going to work out for me anyway.)
The second reason is the bigger one. When I submitted all my paperwork for a mortgage application back at the end of February, I was advised not to make any large purchases, open any credit cards or allow many credit checks since the more people look into your credit, the more it counts against your score. Joining a gym will most certainly require a credit check, and would a bank see it as a bad thing that I started up a membership to something? I’m afraid to jeopardize the house thing in any way, no matter how insignificant my actions might be. So I’ve been stuck in a kind of limbo since February, and I hate it. I haven’t even wanted to use my credit cards, period, for fear that the balance I initially reported almost 4 months ago now would no longer be the same balance they’d look at when it finally comes time to close on a house.
I know I was trying to stay positive with this, but I have to be honest: I am frustrated and feeling a little exhausted by the whole “wait and see” thing on such important areas of my life, like where I live or if I have a job or not. Feels like so many things are requiring me to WAIT. And there is nothing at all I can do to speed things up.
What I really have to do is take my bottle of bubbles and go sit outside somewhere with a pretty backdrop and blow bubbles for about an hour. Maybe listen to that addictive Incredibad album on my MP3 player. Just sit somewhere and read, and breathe, and drink a shitload of alcohol. Yeah!
I’m kidding on the alcohol. Only because it’s too expensive to waste money on right now, and now that it’s in the triple digits it’s too hot to risk the accelerated dehydration. Of course. Gotta be smart about these things.