I’m not sure why this popped into my head the other day, but I remembered that when I was a little kid I would try to calm myself down after having a nightmare by envisioning watermelon.
I’m totally serious. For whatever reason, I found thoughts of watermelon to be soothing. I have always had incredibly (horrible) vivid nightmares, and I’d wake up completely freaked out of my mind. I learned early on that I couldn’t just run into my parents’ room every time I had a nightmare, so I figured out how to trick my brain into thinking happy thoughts so I could fall back to sleep. I said this phrase to myself, over and over:
“Think of watermelon, lollipops and good daytime things.”
What a food-oriented little chubbette I was, huh?
Anyway, I figured if anyone could appreciate my safe-watermelon-place, it would be you people, so, um…there it is.
I have had a lot of work to do this week. And then I have come home and either gone out somewhere or sat around watching the Pineapple Express DVD. On Wednesday night, I watched the movie itself. Yesterday after work, I watched the blooper reel and the extended/ deleted scenes. And then tonight as I ate dinner, I put the movie on with the commentary. Why the obsession? It really made me laugh like an idiot, that’s why. And it inspired me AGAIN to write the movie with my sister about the two stupid girls. (She told me it would remind me of our movie idea, and she was right!) But tomorrow I have to mail it back to Netflix. Poop. I’ll just have to buy it.
I feel totally BLAH these days when it comes to doing anything. I don’t have any motivation to drive over to the mountain to hike, and I certainly can’t drag my ass out of bed early enough to ride my bike to work. Plus it’s COLD OUTSIDE in the morning and what do I look like, some jerk who enjoys riding her bike in the cold?! Sheesh. I don’t think so. So, what this all means is, my body is storing its fat at an alarming rate and I am moving ever more like a dying slug as I go about my day. I’m hoping that after I get this last pain in the ass article completed for work, my mood will improve because the cloud will be lifted. We’ll see. If it’s not the article causing my funk, don’t worry… I will find another scapegoat right quick.
In other news, my name is officially changed. It’s messing with my head a little bit, though.
I got my new SS card in the mail today, and I’ve been carrying my new license for over a week now… and the new checks and debit card arrived in the mail yesterday. All the proof of my “new” name is suddenly everywhere and damned if it doesn’t make me feel crappy. There are a lot of reasons for it: the primary one being, of course, that it’s a HUGE reminder of the fact that yes, I really did go through a divorce. I was married, and now I am NOT married. Ehhh. It’s a weird feeling; kind of a FAIL feeling, you know?
The other main reason I am sad about the name change is simply that I HATE my maiden name so much. It’s ugly sounding, and no one can ever frickin’ pronounce it or spell it right. I seriously appreciated being able to just say my last name and people could get it on the first try. Now I am back to where I was before, with a name that sounds like I am a Nordic/Jewish pirate or something. Grumble, grumble.
But I had to do it. It didn’t feel right keeping the married name, especially since we were married for such a short period of time. My mom kept her married name when they were divorced, but she’d had that name for 21 years. It had kind of become her identity, and changing it back would have been odd. As for me, the only people who knew me with the new last name only are the people at my current job, and the people I deal with for my job. While I dread the inevitable questions surrounding the sudden name change, I think it will be like pulling a bandaid off and everyone will quickly forget I was ever that “other” person with the easy last name.
For now, I have procrastinated changing my work email, business cards and name plate, and I am still identifying myself by my married name when I’m interviewing people. I only just started signing my name with the maiden name, because now it is showing up on the debit card and everything. It feels so strange! I know I keep talking about this, but it really is bugging me. It’ll go away. And it will likely go away very soon. Just for now, though? I am half married-name-me, half maiden-name-me. I just never experienced the in-between part of all this, I guess, and it’s freaky.
Or maybe I just think too much.
Hmm. Maybe I should shut this down for the night, and go to bed early with happy images of watermelon, lollipops and daytime things dancing in my head.
Look, this could be me! Someday!
Speaking of lollipops, and in keeping with my previous post (sorta), here is an exchange from Pineapple Express that’s gross but keeps making me crack up in its creativity:
Saul: It’s probably from that time when you wanted to eat that lollipop out of that stripper’s snatch! You wanted to DO it, man!
Red: Out of her vagina. I know. But what about you? What did you do?
Red: You ate a box of Nerds out of a *butthole*!
LOVELY!! What a gentle-lady I turned out to be. (“Maiden” name my ass.)