I have lost a total of 13 pounds since December 27! I can’t believe that! That’s more than I lost over the 3 months when I was trying to train for the marathon. (And yeah, I know that in that case I was probably gaining muscle which weighs more than fat, but STILL.)

I was worried this week, though. I’ve had some bad meals. I had pasta four out of five days this past week. It just worked out that way, even though I know that pasta is my biggest downfall. Funny, I thought it was going to be baked goods and candy. Not really: it’s the damn pasta that I can’t resist.

I guess, all in all, the kind of pasta I eat isn’t that terrible. I’m a marinara lover, so I bypass the creamy sauces 95% of the time. I don’t add meatballs or any meat to the dishes, and some of that pasta I ate last week was the stuff with pesto, fresh tomatoes, mozzarella and fresh basil leaves. Not terribly bad stuff, overall. Cheese remains a huge temptation in the pasta realm, too. Two of those pasta meals I had were ziti with melted cheeses.

One of the pasta days was Monday night, when my Mom, sister and I went to Olive Garden to celebrate my Mom’s successful move that day. OLIVE GARDEN! One of the very worst places and one of the places I absolutely cannot resist (yet). I love that salad, those breadsticks, and about three of the pasta dishes– ugh!

Then, two nights later, I had dinner with my Mom again and this time we had hot dogs and french fries. If my Mom hadn’t been part of the equation, I was just planning to eat a turkey sandwich on 9-grain bread for dinner. But she wanted a hot dog, so…there you have it. I ate it, but it wasn’t enjoyable like it used to be before I really cared about what I was eating at each meal.

OK< but outside of those meals, I’m still keeping everything on the up and up. And it’s not as hard as I’d expected. I have a fruit smoothie every morning for breakfast (complete with flax seed meal) and drink a glass of almond milk for a snack a couple hours later. Lunch has been a little tricky, but I’ve managed to eat simple sandwiches, salads and in a pinch, I bought a Naked Juice for lunch yesterday while I was in Target. I also had a plain bagel with it, which wasn’t the greatest, but it didn’t feel like that big of a sin in the context of everything else I ate (and planned to eat) that day.

And last night I made my first SUCCESSFUL green juice! It was spinach and kale-based, with two apples (I chose a Granny Smith and a Gala to make the best taste), lemon, celery and ginger. I don’t think the ginger really made it in because I need to read up on how you juice ginger; I feel like it just flew into the waste bin part of the juicer. It’s an unfamiliar root– I never ate it before, and I don’t know if you’re supposed to peel it, or do anything to it when it’s in its raw form. I made one error: I used a whole lemon, when it turned out I was only supposed to use half. So *that’s* why it was so incredibly tart. Fortunately, I like tart drinks very much. But yes, it definitely could have been toned down a bit. Now I know.

To supplement the juice as my dinner, I also ate some more of my turkey with a little provolone rolled into it. I made these cute little turkey-rolls and sat there watching “Parks and Recreation,” nomming on that, happily. Hurley was happy, since he got a few slivers of turkey, too.

Anyway, I have been avoiding the scale for the past two weeks or so. I think the last time I weighed myself was MLK Day when I was off and moving things around to get ready to paint my bathroom (which I still have to do). I figured that with the bad meals sprinkled into the mix, my weight loss wouldn’t be as impressive as it had been at first (8 pounds in the first two weeks)… and hell, I was even worried I gain some weight back.

I think avoiding the scale is a decent strategy for me. I’m probably going to go with the once a week or once every two weeks routine instead of daily. I know there are normal fluctuations from day to day and I do NOT want to freak myself out if I see the numbers inch up a bit one morning.

Yes, I am doing this healthy eating thing to lose weight. But once I lose it, the healthy eating thing is not going away– it’s how I eat from now on. It’s just a fact. I honestly don’t want to cram a bunch of fat and chemicals down my gullet anymore. I have only had soda maybe twice since I began all of this, and I did not enjoy it like I once did. I’ve had a couple of cookie things (Kashi)or granola bars (Cascadian Farms), but I haven’t had cake or processed cookies in weeks. I haven’t had one piece of sweet candy. No Nerds, Sweetarts, or Skittles. The thought of them is a little hideous already. There’s nothing but balls of chemicals and sugar.

I have had chocolate. Mini Kit-Kats. But I eat ONE or TWO, and that is absolutely it. I subscribe to the healthy eating school of thought that says total deprivation of your favorite treats only leads to downfall when you can’t take it anymore, break down, and gorge. So I keep the Kit-Kats on hand for that reason. I also bought some Hershey’s Kisses for my desk at work. I haven’t felt the urge to open the bag yet, though. Which is excellent! But at least I know I can have 4 or 5 Kisses and be done with a passing chocolate craving.

But just as predicted by a lot of people who do the juicing thing, my cravings are definitely subsiding. In a big way. I’m telling you– this works. Eating the correct foods in a plant-based diet is the way to go for LIFE. It’s not a short term diet, it’s not a fad, it’s not gimmicky… it’s just a matter of being sensible and aware of what you eat. I like that I have lost weight despite having all that pasta, and despite the sporadic hot dog or fries. It feels right. I think I’ve found the way I can live, and that’s a kick-ass feeling!

Also: NO MIGRAINES. I did have sinus headaches and pressure, though. But it was obvious they weren’t migraines. I am so happy to have gone one full month without one migraine! This is so cool.

OK, back to work for me. Thanks for supporting me or being encouraging as I did this! Not one of my friends thought I was being weird, or too extreme, or anything, once I said I was starting juicing. Well, my friend S on Facebook doesn’t seem to get it, but that’s different– he’s hung up on the concept of “detoxing” which, I know, is a little iffy based on scientific facts (or lack thereof) to back it up. But still. I couldn’t be more grateful to NOT get weird looks or comments from anyone! In fact, I think a couple of my close friends are also starting to be a little more aware of what they eat now and are actively trying to eat more veggies and fruit. And that is just amazing. Wow!

I’m having a mini existential (?) crisis at the moment. I keep getting pulled to the rescues that take dogs off the euthanasia lists at the local pound– they all need foster homes. And I can’t stop wondering if I should step in an help as a foster. Even if I only ever do it once or twice, at least I’d be helping HANDS-ON. I do donate money, but I would like to make a direct impact if I can.

My sister thinks the timing on this is a little suspect, because she says that after I break up with someone, I seem to always want to adopt a new pet or do something similar to that. I think it’s totally possible that I do this, of course. She would know. She knows me better than almost anyone. However, I can say with all honesty that I am NOT hurting over the J situation. I accepted it and I’m fine with it now. I haven’t been thinking about it a lot, even. I don’t think I had time to really fall for him in a way that would devastate me if we broke up. This is a good thing. I love that I am OK with this turn of events.

Do I really jump into altruistic things after something like a break-up happens in my life? She has given me lots to think about. I don’t want to be a moron who has a kneejerk reaction to stuff. I sincerely want to be a person who is logical and sensible, not someone who is constantly rushing to ‘save’ something or someone to fill some kind of emptiness in my life.

I happen to think that sometimes, certain issues get put in front of me and I can’t ignore them for whatever reason. Like last year, when the Team in Training brochure arrived in the mail and I decided to sign up for the marathon. And in doing so, I ended up getting passionate about helping people with leukemia and blood disorders. I didn’t get to run the marathon, as you know, but I did raise over $1,300 for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society, which is pretty awesome!! And it also got me to become a regular blood donor. In fact, I’m already looking forward to my next donation. (I don’t have one scheduled yet.)

About a week ago, someone on Facebook posted about the 19 year old cattle dog that had been dropped at a shelter because her owner was terminally ill with cancer. I share a whole lot of animals in need of homes on Facebook, but this one dog stood out and made me stop and think. I wanted to DIRECTLY help THAT dog. Her face was heartbreaking, and knowing how old she was just about floored me. I happen to love old dogs, as it is. I know lots of people don’t want to take on a pet that they will likely only have limited time with, but that isn’t my concern. My concern is giving a living, breathing, loving creature a safe, warm home for the rest of its life. I want to help the animal no one else wants to help, because I CAN. I don’t want to help puppies. (I wouldn’t turn my back on a puppy in need, of course… I just mean I have a true preference!) I want to help the old ones. I know I am in the minority, to some extent. And that is why I feel like I am getting a call to help.

The wonderful thing about that 19 year old cattle dog was she was adopted, ultimately. Word spread and she found a home. I didn’t have to step in and help in that case. This was good, really. I wasn’t sure I was ready yet to do this and add another creature to my household. However…

…this incident did get me on the radar of two women who are the ones who actually go to the pound and save those dogs from the e-list each week. One asked me to consider filling out an application to foster. The other was just very encouraging and thanked me for my willingness to help. But now, I friended them and I do get updates on my page every day of dogs in dire need of rescuing.

I know I can’t save them all. But I could save a few, over time. Maybe.

I’m overwhelmed by the magnitude of the pet overpopulation problem, every day. It’s hard to fathom sometimes that there are SO MANY irresponsible and careless pet ‘owners’ out there. You’d expect a few, because people are inherently a dumb species if you think about it… but not so many, not in 2012. You would think that by now, the word about spaying/neutering and adopting rather than purchasing pets would be catching on. I know it is getting better, but not nearly fast enough to make a big impact yet. And meanwhile, animals die. This kills me. This keeps me awake at night.

Anyway, my current dilemma is do I or don’t I. There are a lot of things that would make me an ideal foster for the dogs most in need, but there are other factors to consider. And those factors are named Hurley, Simon and Gremlin.

I wish I could ask them if they’d be cool with me helping a small parade of animals from time to time. I don’t know how bringing these strange dogs (I don’t know about fostering cats) into our home would play out. I wouldn’t want any of my boys to get injured, stressed or depressed. I’m reminded of an incident from my childhood…

When I was really little, my dad adopted Dobie from the pound to be a guard dog at his shop. But of course, he got attached to Dobie and couldn’t leave her there overnight. So he started bringing her home at night. I was super excited and I adored her. She was a huge Doberman/Shepherd mix and she was very good with me, even though I was about 3 or 4 years old.

Everything was cool, but not with Buffy.

Buffy was the dog my Mom and Dad had even before I was born. She was a complete and utter sweetheart. She even had a little heart pattern on top of her head! When I was born, the story goes that she became super vigilant and protective of me. She didn’t want anyone lifting me out of the bassinette without her permission (except for my parents and Granny). As I grew up, she was constantly with me. There weren’t any other toddlers around to play with, so she became my very best friend. [And this probably helps explain a LOT about my personality, doesn't it? How I do better with dogs than with people...? Heh.]

Anyhow, Buffy was a total Daddy’s Girl with my Dad UNTIL Dobie came into the picture. Buffy started to seem sad and wouldn’t react to my Dad’s affection like she used to. Years and years later, long after Dobie was gone (she was hit by a car up at my Dad’s shop on the very day she was going to a new home– Dobie had developed a scary habit of growling at my baby sister and there was no way anyone could risk T getting injured), my Dad frequently lamented that, “Buffy was never the same with me after I brought Dobie home.”

It had done permanent damage to the bond between my Dad and Buffy.

I do NOT want to do something similar to Hurley. I already tried, with the Sandy debacle last year, and it was a mess. But he seemed to ‘forgive me,’ if he ever was actually upset at me. Anyway, that was so short-lived that maybe that’s why he didn’t hold a grudge. But what if I jeopardized my relationship with Hurley?! I couldn’t do that. I can’t do that. I love him so much it hurts sometimes. He is incredibly special and unique. I do not take him for granted.

And then there are the cats. Silly little dudes. But they are important now, too. They have preferences and things they don’t like. They may not like another dog in the midst much at all. I don’t want to upset them, I really don’t.

So, I guess it does come down to my guys. Not my finances or sanity or any of that. I do not want to stress them out. They don’t deserve that. Like most people make note of, we do have a solid dynamic and harmony in the house right now that probably shouldn’t be tampered with. (OK, well, to be fair, Simon and Gremlin have been playing so rough it ends in fights these days. I think it’s the battle of the adolescent boys, honestly… I think they will grow out of this. After all, Simon is only 2, and Grem is 1.)

As I write this, I think I know what I have to do. Or not do. See, blogging can really help sort out your thoughts!

I’m going to have to settle for networking and maybe even picking one of these rescues to spend some time volunteering at adoption events or as a transportation person to bring their animals to the vet, etc. There are a lot of ways I can help, hands-on, without physically bringing animals the into my home. There are simply so many rescues now, it is hard to choose which one to work with! (What a nice problem to have, actually.)

So anyway, yeah. My little internal crisis… maybe I have it sorted out more than I think I do.

I only know this: I am absolutely, totally wired to HELP ANIMALS. I can’t escape that desire. Ever. I will never stop caring this much. I know I won’t. And you know something? That makes me happy. I know lots of people who don’t even think of doing these kind of things (whether it’s for animals or people in need), and sometimes they do seem like they are searching for something to care about. They seem a little spiritually lost, if you want to know the best way I can describe it. I am not spiritually lost. Not at all. I get confused and overwhelmed, yes, but I always know where my true north is. I’m very grateful for that.

That night, it was super windy outside and it felt like a good night to take an early shower, settle in with a good dinner and watch Netflix. So that’s what I did. It turns out, I LOVE showering in my guest bathroom! I had no idea how lovely that showerhead really is. It’s also a slightly bigger bathroom, so I had more room to dry off and move around.

I made a huge salad from the last of the farm market greens (they lasted an entire week!) and watched the last 6 episodes of Season 2 of The Vampire Diaries. It’s not my favorite show, of course, but it’s still pretty damn entertaining! I love Bonnie and Jeremy together for some reason, but I am so sad about Jenna. I hope Caroline and Tyler get together in the next season… that Damon recovers from the bite… and that Stefan isn’t too eeeeevil now. I wish I’d been able to see this season before season 3 started on TV, because now I don’t think I can catch up. Either way, it was a fun way to spend a stormy night.

Yesterday was a waste, because I woke up feeling so gross. My sinuses were inflamed like crazy. I blame the weather, mostly, but also all that sanding I was doing on Saturday. I used the neti pot twice, and it did help take the edge off, but I still felt like crap. I had planned to paint all day, but I ended up not doing any of that. Instead, I did laundry and ran to Sprouts for more produce, and did a quick cleanup of my backyard. (Dog poop, large weeds.) After that, I was pretty much on the couch. Oh, right… I only watched 3 episodes of TVD on Saturday, and the other 3 yesterday. I’m still feeling wonky– brain feels ouchy.

I tried to do my taxes, but couldn’t, because I am missing two pieces (state tax statement, and my savings account interest statement). Boo. I’m excited to see how much I get back this year! Hopefully those forms will arrive this week.

This morning was my Mom’s moving day! She moved from the current crappy apartment to the new, awesome 55+ community right down the road. The place is beautiful. Her new apartment is great–it was remodeled a couple years ago with high-end stuff, and she has already met several people who live there! She’s so happy and excited. Which, in turn, makes me and my sister happy and excited! I can’t wait for her to make friends and become active with all the events they have going on there everyday. This is such a great move for her.

The movers arrived at her place at 6:15am today, and they were done before 9:00am! They did a terrific job…way better than the clowns last year who charged her hidden fees left and right, and were super late, etc. So, thanks to positive reviews and recommendations, Kudzu.com does it again…! I find the best companies on that site.

Now I’m here at work, loading up on Goody’s headache powder and drinking green tea (and I do not like drinking hot beverages), attempting to keep the sinus pain to a minimum. Fortunately, it’s working pretty well, so far.

This is a pretty dull post. I need to get back into writing about funny stuff s0metime. I kept my old blog just for that reason and I haven’t done a thing there in a long time! And I know I’ve witnessed weird stuff and imagined bizarre things in the meantime. I have to get better at logging in there and writing about it. I love my old blog. How can I be so cruel and neglect something I love…?

If I’m not careful, Blog Protective Services will come and take my blog away.

* It was very, very lame to break up with me by email. And it wasn’t even a dedicated email… he just replied to my last email. A phone call would have been much classier. I can live with this, and it’s not a HUGE deal, but still– in a way, it made it feel like he really didn’t care as much about me as I thought.

* What was he doing on Match.com in the first place?! He knew he would have his girls with him come May of this year, and he knew he would always put his daughters first over everything, yet he still initiated a search to find a girlfriend? That seems a little shortsighted and unfair. If his kids were that important, he should have known better and not started anything in the first place.

* It’s great that he is such a devoted dad, but I doubt his having a girlfriend wouldn’t have impacted his kids as much as he seemed to think it would. Lots of kids grow up with divorced parents who date, now. Hell, his own girls live in Colorado with their mother, who has a boyfriend. So somehow, it’s OK for the ex-wife to date, but not Jason? I highly doubt his daughters have ever said anything to the effect of “don’t ever date anyone, Dad.” When they get older, there’s a chance that Jason will mention that he never had a relationship with anyone because he was putting the girls first, and they might feel really bad. They could feel guilty, and feel like they kept their father from fully living his life. And that’s not cool for a parent to put that on their kids.

I base this on something my own Mom used to say all the time: “I do without so you kids can have.” That always made me angry, because it’s not like I ever once asked her to forget about herself just to do something for me. I felt like there was room for both– love your kids and family, but love yourself, too. It was a negative thing for her to say, and it set me up in some ways for the doormat-type person I was for years. I’ve always felt bad asking for things, and I never, EVER wanted to inconvenience anyone for my benefit. Hell, I still do that. I didn’t (and don’t) want anyone to resent me.

Well, it’s his life and his decision regarding how he handles his personal life, or lack thereof. In retrospect, I just happen to think he’s only looking at this from one narrow perspective and not thinking long-term. For himself, or for his kids.

OK, that’s all I’ve got on this subject. I just think it’s interesting to ponder the situation from the point of view of the people who love me. It really adds a sharper focus!

As for Jason, well… I think I am OK with this breakup.

The more I think about it, we had a lot of challenges to overcome if we were going to make this work. The distance thing being the first one, of course. Living over 50 miles from each other definitely put a cramp in how often we could see each other. And of course, the fact that he has three children was pretty daunting. I did wonder, before this happened, how things for us would go in the summer when his girls all moved back to AZ to live with him for the school year. I know he puts his kids foremost, of course, so I had a suspicion that we’d hit a snag once they were here full-time.

When he is done with the military in three years, he plans to move back to Colorado because that’s where his family is, and where his daughters live half of the time. If he moved up there, they wouldn’t have to shuttle their lives back and forth a year at a time, switching schools and all of that. So yes, that would be easier for everyone. But if I were to still be with him at that point, I’d probably have to decide if I wanted to go to CO, too.

I’m not demanding or clingy. I don’t need or want to spend several days a week with a boyfriend. But it would be nice to see one, if I had one, more than once a month. I do think it’s a huge help if you live relatively near to one another so, you know, a relationship can develop. And it happens by spending time together, especially at little everyday times, like running to the store together or taking a drive someplace. If and when I date again, I would definitely prefer someone in my part of the valley.

The sadness over it ending with him is because I did truly like him a lot. I figured he was worth the effort, the more I did get to know him as a person. I was willing to be fair and respect his space and his wishes with his kids, and I WAS fair and respectful. I didn’t complain once. I didn’t have time to, but that’s beside the point! He is a very optimistic, happy person in general and I liked being around someone like that, and even better, getting to kiss someone like that. I’ll miss it.

And he did introduce me to the juicing thing, and the importance of eating ‘clean’ and going organic, so the entire short relationship was worth it just for that, right there. I’m glad he had a positive influence on my life and health. I can’t say I have met many people who have done that, in particular! So he’ll always be in my memory for that reason alone. I’m grateful I met him, I really am.

I’m glad the entire thing happened, right down to this breakup. Like some of you have said to me, it got me out into the dating world and helped me begin to learn that not all guys are secret-assholes; there truly are honest, genuine men out there. They’re not creatures existing in fiction only! It was nice to find this out, first-hand. I mean, people can say “oh, there are nice guys out there; you’ll find a nice, normal guy one of these days” all they want, but until you experience it yourself, it’s kind of tough to believe it. At least, it was for me. I used to get that feeling of, “Maybe the nice guys are out there, but they’re not for me. Other girls already got them all.” I don’t feel that way anymore. I feel hopeful and more experienced, and that’s definitely worth going through a little bit of pain to get there.

Jason’s purpose, if you will, was to introduce me to healthier living and get me out of my safe little comfort zone. It was probably never meant to be more than that, actually. It’s just my first time off the bench in a long time, after all… I need to ease back into the game or I’m gonna blow a knee out, coach.

Now, I get to look forward to What Happens Next. With everything!

Not just dating, of course. I’m talking about my life, overall. Who I become, what I accomplish…all of that. I’ve now got one more important life experience loaded into my memory and it’ll have positive impact on the future, I’m sure.

Hey, shit happens. There’s a reason that’s a famous saying. Because it’s true. Sometimes, crappy things will come along in your life… but there’s nothing you can do about it, except keep your own mental outlook centered and balanced. Freaking out, crying, feeling sorry for yourself, all of that doesn’t make the crappy thing pass any faster, so why waste your energy? Save it for What Happens Next, because you’ll need it.

First, my good friend Amy is in the hospital. Last Friday she was in a terrible car accident… she spun across 4 lanes of traffic and hit a wall on the freeway. Her car was totalled, but her airbags saved her life, thank God. No other cars were involved. She’s been in pain and recovering at home, but I guess she started to have severe seizures. She’s having tests now and we’re all so worried. I don’t get how the universe works–that bad things happen to the best people. She has such a kind, warm and giving heart. She already has a multitude of health problems, too. (And yet the selfish, meaner people I know are always perfectly healthy. Ehhh. Not fair.)

Second, I got this email from Jason:

“I know this didn’t turn out to be the situation we had hoped for but I appreciate you understanding that my being a dad has to trump my personal life. I’m coming to terms with my other two girls coming in May that sustaining the relationship that we started is pretty impossible. I don’t know what else to say other than to hope that you understand.”

I am very sad.

Anywhatzit, I’ve had another busy weekend. I painted my bedroom, finally! It only took me over two years to get to it.   It was quite a job, and I underestimated the time it’d take to do prep work on the walls. I knew I had to remove some pieces of wallpaper from the one wall, but I didn’t realize there was old glue residue on the rest of the wall, and lots of dirt and a mystery ‘sticky’ brown substance on the other walls. I had to scrub the walls down with water and some Comet. I had horrible black drips hitting the trim and carpet, so I had to put down newspapers and paper towels to catch the mess. On top of that, I had to fill nail holes and some gashes and gauges that must have happened when furniture hit the walls over the years. And then tape off all the trim.

But once I started painting, it went pretty well. And I’m very proud of the finished product because the walls look even, clean and totally repaired. I still have to see if I am in love with the colors, though. I did lighter gray on three walls, and a dark gray (slate) on the fourth wall behind my bed. Up close, the colors look fantastic and just what I wanted. But the light in my room often makes it appear to be lavender and a weird dark grayish purple, for some reason. I didn’t anticipate this. Fortunately, I deliberated for all of those two previous years between a lavender and purple room, or a gray room, so in a weird way, I got both of them.

I still need to prime and paint the three doors in the room, and change out the knobs. I already bought the knobs, so that’s good. I also want to spray paint the switchplate covers so they are white to match the trim (they’re currently that weird almond color). But I’m thinking while I’ve got everything pulled out to paint, I will try to tackle my bathroom this week, too. It’s a tiny room, and unlike the bedroom, I purposely bought lavender paint… so I’m really curious to see how that real-lavender color looks next to the gray that’s masquerading as lavender. I’m nervous. I hope things don’t clash terribly. If they do, I’m well aware I might be repainting my bedroom at some point. Plus, the dark gray wall behind my bed is REALLY dark. I need to see it with furniture and everything, I guess. I hope I didn’t make my room look bad.

UPDATE: Since this morning, I realized a perfect solution to the possibly-too-dark wall: wallpaper! Some of that new stuff is gorgeous. And, if I go without a headboard on my bed as I was planning, it could look fantastic depending on the pattern I choose. Something neutral, not too crazy, etc… But that would be a relatively fast fix if I decide I need to re-do that wall. Also, I think the “lavender effect” is simply due to the three walls’ color bouncing off each other. One wall in that color would have been fine, probably. Anyway, yeah. Just thinking out loud here. Or, er, typing out loud…?

In other news, my Mom will be moving into her new apartment next week. She got her keys on Saturday and my sister and I went over to see the actual unit she’ll be renting. It’s so nice. Seriously. And the people over there are her age and they’re friendly… we’re excited for her to make friends and start being active once she moves in.

I’m still eating healthy although I need to use my new juicer. With the painting and stuff all weekend, I honestly didn’t feel like washing out the juicer (it has a lot of parts that need to be cleaned afterward and I am lazy) so I didn’t make any juice. But I bought ingredients yesterday and will be making fresh apple juice with two kinds of apples and then an orange-strawberry-pineapple juice. Yum. I also went back to the organic market on Saturday with my sister, and I got some of the spinach I loved so much last time. It’s just terrific. Yum. I wish I made a salad out of it and had it with me today for lunch. (But I couldn’t get out of bed this morning, thanks to tired, sore muscles; I did make my breakfast smoothie, but that was it.)

When it comes to J, it’s a little crappy. I am just not hearing from him at all, and it’s making me sad. I know he is very busy and preoccupied, and stressed out, but I’d love even a quick text saying hello once in awhile. Not every day, if he can’t manage it. But I am getting a little concerned. I’m trying not to worry, knowing how his situation is right now, but I definitely feel bummed out when I let myself think about it. I really miss him.

I’ve got to go. The new form to type this is horrible!!!! It’s constantly re-sizing itself and making it hard to type because the screen keeps movin up and down and all over the place. I can’t describe it, really… maybe if you’re on WordPress, you might know what I am talking about? UGH/ I’m getting dizzy trying to finish this very sentence. Bye!

This new group definitely has fiction writers. Interestingly, almost all of the members are probably about 50 and older. I think about 10 different writers read some of their work last night, as we squeezed in around a long table at the Village Inn. It was loud in there, so it was hard to hear everyone, or be heard… it’s kind of a shame they meet in such a loud restaurant, but maybe it’s the only place they’ve got. The range of skill was pretty vast. Most of the stuff was pretty bad, honestly. Several stories were incomprehensible… I had no idea what point the author was trying to make, or find a real plot. One story had a character that suddenly became OCD right in the middle of the chapter, but in the beginning she’s throwing her clothes on the bedroom floor. There were also a few memoir-type pieces, and an essay that was insanely terrible… it was written like it was a piece of legislation or something, and was apparently about living a life of passion vs. living a life of reason, but DAMN, this guy’s writing was rambling and ranting and basically confusing the shit out of everyone at the table, you could tell.

Other people had no idea how to pace a story, or write dialogue, or write in the active voice. Oh, boy. I don’t mean to sound arrogant, but I kind of got the feeling that I’m ahead of the majority of these people with my own writing’s development. I’ve learned a lot over the years about what to do and what not to do. It’s great these people are part of a workshop where they can begin to learn this stuff, too, and get some feedback. I’m just curious to see how much value I can get out of this, personally. I need some strong writers to tell me serious critiques. I do NOT want to hear, “Oh, that was so good.” Nope. I want to hear, “Ugh, you really dragged this scene out” and “your dialogue for this character is very stilted”… that kind of stuff. I hope I do get that, out of this workshop.

I didn’t bring any of my own writing last night, after deliberating about it all day. I wasn’t sure which thing to bring. I have a range of pieces, and I am hesitant to start trying to workshop my main book with a new group of people. I think I have a better idea of what I can bring to the next meeting, now. I also know that I can bring pretty much ANY of my stories and it’ll be good.

God, I feel like I am being arrogant again. I just get the feeling my stuff is a lot better than what I read last night, that’s all. Now, a couple of women there had some good stuff. One woman named Mona wrote a short, sweet little story about a 70 year old woman getting a marriage proposal from a lonely old cowboy and it was well done. I told her so, and I told her WHY it was good. She was very descriptive, used great grammar and punctuation, her dialogue was adorably perfect… So I think, with her, I might be able to get somewhere. I think she knows what’s she’s doing. She seemed very happy that I gave her detailed feedback, too; she just opened up and chatted after the meeting. So, yay! I may have made a friend. But look at me, picking out the best writer in the bunch and latching on to her. I’m judgemental.

So, that’s how my first writer’s Meetup in several years went down… YAY. I wish I was more psyched than I am, but it’s OK. Maybe once I get feedback people will surprise me and it’ll be worth my time. Plus it is always good to read bad writing once in awhile, just so you remember again what not to do in your own work.

I’m still eating healthy, although it’s getting spendy. I have to go to the store double the amount I was doing before, because of all the fresh produce I’m consuming now. And the organic stuff isn’t cheap… I have been getting organic ready-made juices and things like that, but buying regular berries and melons. I’m addicted to my 3B breakfast smoothie every morning, too! Yesterday I was out of blueberries and blackberries, so I just had a banana and some granola and it wasn’t nearly as satisfying. I love that I have one perfect recipe that I love, and that I tweak here and there to change the taste. Today I added a few strawberries to the mix.

Total pounds lost as of this morning: 9.

I can’t believe I am one pound away from losing my first 10 pounds! This is pretty exciting. Little by little, it’s working, and that’s really encouraging.

Oh, and I ordered my own Breville Juicer on Monday night. I got it on Amazon Marketplace. It’s a couple steps down from J’s monster-deluxe juicer, but still exactly what I’ll need. And it was about $150 cheaper than buying even a used model like his. Anyway, I was so surprised to see the box on my porch when I got home yesterday… it arrived in two days, even though I paid for the cheap shipping and didn’t expect it to get here for at least a week or so. I haven’t opened it up yet, but I’ll do it tonight. I’ve found several do-able juice recipes to start transitioning veggies into my fruit-based juices. That will be the key: transition– none of that immediate, all-out veggie craziness that made me puke one day into my so-called ‘detox’. See? I’m gettin’ smarter! Word.

I don’t know if you have seen this yet, but Airborne now has chewable tablets. So much better if you don’t have water around (for me, it’s a cup that’s the problem) and kind of tasty, too. If you like the taste of chewable vitamins, that is. Which I do. Anyway, I wanted to share the news about it because this is cold and flu season, and this could help fight some of that off.

Today my brain’s like buckshot– all scattered everywhere. I’m having a tough time focusing on one thing at a time. I have two emails in the process of being written (minimized), I’m proofreading the latest magazine page proofs, I’m blogging, and I’m researching the cotton industry for another article. I hope that after lunch I will get my brain to condense down again and focus. I hate when I get this way.

Hey, new 30 Rock tonight!

(See? I’m all over the damn place.)

All that talk, no action.

I think a real live simulation would bring true value to a business conference. Don’t you? Like, simulate an earthquake or have some actor pretend to have a heart attack to see how the attendees react?

Even better would be to have an unplanned zombie invasion. Maybe during a keynote speaker’s address, over a fancy lunch. Just have a bunch of people dressed as zombies storm the ballroom, and they have paint on their mouths. If a zombie “bites your head” you’re marked with paint, and you’re out.

Kind of like paintball. But with zombie mouths.

I should be making MILLIONS by now, with ideas like this running through my head. Millions. BILLIONS, even.

I’ve said it before, but maybe I really will look into a cleaning service, once a month or so. Mostly just to clean my bathrooms and maybe mop the entire house. I use a Swiffer wet jet to clean up small spills and dirty areas here and there so that when it gets to be time to mop The Whole Damn House, I won’t have to scrub certain spots so much. It doesn’t change the fact that mopping is one of the activities that aggravates my disks and sciatica the very most, though. Ick. (The whole thing makes me wonder why I only have carpeting in two rooms, sometimes. Sometimes. I still prefer hard floors, for sure.)

Pain aside, I did get all the laundry done and cleaned the house pretty well. I didn’t mop, but I did clean the shower, and that’s what set me off, I think. I also assembled a chrome cart to keep all my yard tools in one place. The cart’s pretty nice, and so much better than the cheap plastic tool holder I’ve had for awhile and had warped and bent in the sun. Plus, the cart has a row of pockets for little tools, and it’s on wheels. Hey, you get excited about what you want to get excited about, and I’ll do the same.

I was able to clean up the whole back patio and re-arrange stuff so it doesn’t look like so obvious that I don’t have a shed in which to keep things like my lawn mower and all those damn tools. I hate that my yard itself can look neat as a pin, but the porch has been a somewhat-cluttered, dusty mess. I’m a little picky about my backyard and porch. I don’t know why. Yet I can let my office and the pantry look like piles of shit. Oh, well.

I’ve been cooking/ preparing meals at home a lot more, too. I now know how difficult it really can be to find healthy, fresh food elsewhere. I feel like someone woke me up from a daze I’ve been in my whole life, in a way. Now, I see the majority of fast food as being just big piles of chemicals, HFCS and fats. I had some soda yesterday at Jersey Mike’s because their iced tea tasted horrible (my sister was right… it does taste like soapy dishwater, ewww) and so did the water. And the weird thing is I don’t like soda anymore. I have loved soda my entire life. But yesterday it was just like a cup o’ chemicals. It grossed me out.

I did make some all-organic tomato, mozzarella and pasta salad with pesto on Saturday that was OMG, so delicious. I overate, a little, since it tasted so great. For dinner one night, I had a baked potato with broccoli and some melted cheese. Again, all organic. It’s not easy to find organic cheese… or potatoes. But after I read that non-organic potatoes leech up chemicals from the soil and you can’t wash it off, I’ve been a little grossed out and want something not laden with tasteless pesticides.

Here’s the amazing news so far:

* I have now lost 7 pounds since 12/26

* I have NOT HAD A MIGRAINE. Knock on wood, knock on wood!!! But yeah, I’ve felt pretty great. I have a persistent little head cold that keeps bugging me a little, but even that’s not blowing out of proportion like it could if I wasn’t loading up on the vitamin C and other good-for-me stuff, every day.

Let’s see… losing weight, not having painful headaches… so far this effort is well worth it! And honestly, it’s not that hard to do. I still let myself have a decent meal once in awhile, or little portions of something chocolate-y. (Hot chocolate isn’t too bad– walking away from whipped cream is a little tough, but once I’m drinking it I don’t miss it.) I don’t want to get to the point where I am CRAVING a bad food, like I always had been for years, so I allow myself some of the stuff I want. SOME. Not a lot, or all. I messed up with the Dove chocolate bar last week and I’m still a little annoyed at myself for doing that. I easily could have had half and put the other half away. But I didn’t. Ugh. Well, I learned that I can’t let myself have sweets while I am watching a movie. That activity sucks me back into very bad, long-term past habits. Mindless eating.

It’s a good thing that air-popped popcorn isn’t very bad for you if you don’t put butter or lots of salt on it. I do love that.

Sorry to turn this blog into a “me talking about eating” blog! I guess I’m just pretty amazed that this is actually working. Not just on the physical level. I’m really beginning to think about food a lot differently. And that was what I was hoping for when I first decided to do this. I’m well aware that my ‘addiction’ to bad foods is largely psychological. Foods have been a comfort, for most of my life. A reward at the end of a long day. Or something I do out of boredom. All of that’s going to change. Every day I keep myself aware, awake and anticipate possible challenges is another day closer to breaking the bad habits and cementing new ones. And that’s pretty cool, I think!

Plus it’s getting me to use my kitchen (and not just the microwave) more. Also a good thing!